Nylecoj

Congrats Marius!!

Qsilv

Congrats marius -- that story of yours hurt just the right amount.

And thanks, morshy -- hardest list I've worked with yet, but delightful words.

As a side note -- This is the internet, folks. Learn to grit your teeth and pass over the divisive stuff. Don't enshrine it. Yes we do still get affected by feelings, but learning to juggle them is part of growing up as an individual within this new culture.

For the record -- 10 stories by 8 contributors

Post #7 -- giraffe -- Dog
-- It was pretty good but she hates dog. So now he wanders home alone with dog on his breath.

Post #11 – marius -- More Than a Rock Garden
-- He turned around, saw her crying. He saw the stiff little figure in her hand, a sanguine spot on her glove.

Post #24 – dragon -- Reversal of fortune
-- It was then that she somehow changed, he didn’t see it fully before she tore him to pieces but he thought he heard her utter a curse against stinking Gypsies before he died.

Post #27 – giraffe -- PIZZA BOY
-- It looked just like a bathing suit top his mom used to wear except for the earrings on the animals.

Post #28 – Chinky -- (Gasp!) Shit, oh God, not again. F***..."
-- Why aren't I waking up?? I'm supposed to wake up by now!

Post #33 – Nylecoj – no title
-- In the morning she would run again, but this time she would run faster than the wind, faster than the earth could turn, faster than the sun!

Post #34 – Doug – Repose
-- Clear, as crystal washed by the caresses of a thousand sea waves my mind is sharper than it was when I had use of my body

Post #36 – Qsilv – no title
-- “But what if I WANTED it to feel boring?”

Post #37 – five – Rain
-- “You want it to rain.” He sat, knocking the cradle.

Post #38 – giraffe -- MR. TRIMBULL'S CHOICE
-- I'm gonna be your next granddaughter. You can't believe how much fun we'll have. You'll teach me how to live and enjoy

giraffe

Good choice, that Marius.

And Morshy, it took me a while to gird my loins, lick my wounds and say "screw it". I hope you can do that too. I, for one, really like your stories and input. Don't stay gone too long, buddy.

marius

This is a surprise! Thanks morshy and I do hope you will check back with us: there are signs that the comraderie is going to survive, perhaps even thrive. Indeed, it is not uncommon for people/things to emerge with greater clarity, durability and beauty after a bit of weathering by, erm ... those proverbial dark and stormy nights. (winks, shrugs and smiles)

Thanks to Q for her wrap-up of all the stories. Enjoy that way of re-visiting.

Since Q already did a wrap-up, I'll be brief but do want to thank others with a few comments:
Dragon - "But I was never unaware." Perhaps it was how that sentence was placed in the flow, but felt very powerful.
giraffe - "It's hard for kids that age to extrapolate which side to take ..." Like the tension here.
Chinky - "I could no longer see Anything, hear Anything, smell Anything, but I could still feel Everything." Could see/feel it too.
Nylecoj - I hope to see more equestrian stories: the energy of this animal was rapturous.
Doug - "I am unknown, unwanted and alone." The placement of that sentence made it feel just right.
Q - "No soft moon tonight, just blackness with bright flashes of brass tearing it all apart at odd, unpredictable moments." Tee hee -delicious visual for 'dark and stormy.' I could drink that sentence!
Five - "Me, you, the lovely sanguine tempers we fell in love with." Adore that image.
giraffe - Like that the Dad wanted to make it easy for those he loved.

See you all in the next ThinkWrite ... after I figure out what Roman numeral to use, and oh yeah ... find out what word list and word count the muses have in store. If they speak today, will post today ... if not, please give them until tomorrow. : )

Dragon

Inspired choice Morshy, I must say that story was my favorite too though there was a great deal of quality in this round. Congrats marius, I'm looking forward to your next list.

giraffe

It's 46 - XLVI

marius

Qsilv, there are so many things I love about your "Dark and Stormy Night" story (which wasn't titled that) and now that my mind is over the shock of morshy's pick for TB ... here's what spoke to me ...

...the second sentence where the woman with the 'wicked child' notes that his mother needs to cut the kid's hair, the first hint that things are not so great with mom.
...the description of the teeth of eight year olds. (You have spent some time with kids and enjoy them! Felt that for certain.)
...how you let us feel the personality of the little boy ... "But what if I WANTED it to feel boring?"

...“Mom says you can buy a little strip of those with no nails to hit in the middle, just a real tack at each end.”
This part distracted me a tad because I couldn't "see" it, have no experience with uphosltery. I wanted to know, to see, what they were talking about but not sure that is anything that would need to be changed. ... and upon re-reading, are there tacks where the 'head' comes separate from the 'nail' part? Anyway, I loved how that tied in with thoughts of what change is, how it works, and also how that played into the change of atmosphere that arrives when the mother shows up.

And, adoration for the ending, the last two sentences were perfection for me ... both saying the same thing and not saying it too. : )

Qsilv

(quiet smile) thanks, marius. I had hoped it would ring a little deeper and broader than a sketch of a schizo woman... and anyway that mom was never the real focus, more a device. To me it was more about painting with sibilance... and, er, (*wicked twinkle) getting away with a forbidden beginning.

http://www.diyupholsterysupply.com/upholstery-nail.html (cheap strips, 3rd row down)


By the way, did anyone else notice the alphabetical joke in Morshy's word list?



;>

Qsilv

In reviewing the thing (and honoring editing as a group process here), I think it wasn't clear that "wicked child" can be said lovingly.

The woman from whose mind we're seeing this laughs once further down, but now, altho I'd hoped the child's grinning up at her was enough of a clue that their relationship was easy and fun, I think it would have softened her more effectively for the reader had that first comment been used an exclamation point and a laugh:
> "Wicked child!", she laughed. <

'Course then the later laugh would have felt repetitive, so it would have to be tinkered with... bah, not worth it. ;>

marius

Qsilv .......

-Oh, do think it was *quite* clear that "wicked child" was said with affection, that there was great love and fun in the relationship between the woman and the child.
-Did see wacky mother as device that high-lighted easy and fun relationship between the other woman and the child. Did not think for a second that the story was about a schizo woman. Not at all.
-and, you DID achieve the deeper and broader purpose you sought. Tee hee, didn't say that but ... yessssss, purpose achieved. : )

And re your btw: did see "rotton argument" in morshy's list but hadn't noticed the rest.

Funny morshy! : )

marius

Ohhhhh ... light has dawned. I SEE the cheap strips. No no, would not want to use those! Thanks for the illumination!

marius

And ... this is why it's hard to comment on the contributions of others (smiling) ...

post #47 where I wrote "...the second sentence where the woman with the 'wicked child' notes that his mother needs to cut the kid's hair, the first hint that things are not so great with mom." ... erm, if I were to write that post over I'd begin by saying ...

"I loved this story. The characters were alive for me and I liked them. The feel of it was a delight and adore the play with "dark and stormy night."

I like how you told us about the characters as in:
"...the second sentence where the woman with the child notes that his mother needs to cut the kid's hair, the first hint that things are not so great with mom, and a great way to contrast the relationship between the kid an his mom versus the kid and the woman who thoroughly enjoys him."

... and so forth.

Haha, this probably is as clear as mud, but I try. : )