marius

And ... this is why it's hard to comment on the contributions of others (smiling) ...

post #47 where I wrote "...the second sentence where the woman with the 'wicked child' notes that his mother needs to cut the kid's hair, the first hint that things are not so great with mom." ... erm, if I were to write that post over I'd begin by saying ...

"I loved this story. The characters were alive for me and I liked them. The feel of it was a delight and adore the play with "dark and stormy night."

I like how you told us about the characters as in:
"...the second sentence where the woman with the child notes that his mother needs to cut the kid's hair, the first hint that things are not so great with mom, and a great way to contrast the relationship between the kid an his mom versus the kid and the woman who thoroughly enjoys him."

... and so forth.

Haha, this probably is as clear as mud, but I try. : )

marius

Ohhhhh ... light has dawned. I SEE the cheap strips. No no, would not want to use those! Thanks for the illumination!

marius

Qsilv .......

-Oh, do think it was *quite* clear that "wicked child" was said with affection, that there was great love and fun in the relationship between the woman and the child.
-Did see wacky mother as device that high-lighted easy and fun relationship between the other woman and the child. Did not think for a second that the story was about a schizo woman. Not at all.
-and, you DID achieve the deeper and broader purpose you sought. Tee hee, didn't say that but ... yessssss, purpose achieved. : )

And re your btw: did see "rotton argument" in morshy's list but hadn't noticed the rest.

Funny morshy! : )

Qsilv

In reviewing the thing (and honoring editing as a group process here), I think it wasn't clear that "wicked child" can be said lovingly.

The woman from whose mind we're seeing this laughs once further down, but now, altho I'd hoped the child's grinning up at her was enough of a clue that their relationship was easy and fun, I think it would have softened her more effectively for the reader had that first comment been used an exclamation point and a laugh:
> "Wicked child!", she laughed. <

'Course then the later laugh would have felt repetitive, so it would have to be tinkered with... bah, not worth it. ;>

Qsilv

(quiet smile) thanks, marius. I had hoped it would ring a little deeper and broader than a sketch of a schizo woman... and anyway that mom was never the real focus, more a device. To me it was more about painting with sibilance... and, er, (*wicked twinkle) getting away with a forbidden beginning.

http://www.diyupholsterysupply.com/upholstery-nail.html (cheap strips, 3rd row down)


By the way, did anyone else notice the alphabetical joke in Morshy's word list?



;>