mouse

WOW! Thanks Doug. I am so pleased you liked my story. I certainly enjoy this site and all the stories that are submitted. Its like taking a daily adventure and never leaving home.

OK- this challenge is 381 words.
Deadline--Nov 10th
Word list - hope you find it interesting and challenging
1) Menagerie 2) Obelisk 3) Vertigo
4) Vicarious 5) Hovel 6) Tangerine
7) Ferret 8) Hush 9) Rue 10) Storm

Can hardly wait to read the new adventures.

giraffe

Very cool list.

Doug

mouse: Love the word list, very interesting. 381 words and I'll get to it shortly. Love ThinkWrite!

Dragon

Indeed, great words mouse! I'm glad there's a long deadline on this one 'cause my week is just crazy and I'm still hoing to get a submission in on this one.

Dragon

+p - hoping

giraffe

Too busy hoing around, Dragon? Couldn't resis that. LOL

Dragon

LOL!

maddyjean08

381 words, not counting title. Pierce of Heart

Thump! Thump! The small family was slowly waking to an unnatural noise comming from the lower level of their house. Doug knew he had to stay menagerie, while Dragon was screaming. Baby Giraffe, lying in his cradle was uncontrollably screaming. Doug slowly walked down the stairs, followed by Dragon holding their baby. Their ten-year-old Addison climbed down the stairs in front of them, her eyes turned to the back of her head. She collapsed on the floor, her eyes facing forward. Realizing she couldn't remember anything from the past few minutes, Addison ran to her mother. Doug grabbed Giraffe from Dragon's arms. Vicarious sacrifice. A gaping hole opened to red lava on the floor of the dining room. Doug threw in Giraffe. Dragon started to cry, her pink curlers falling out with each inhale.

Lily, their seven-year-old, ran down the stairs, her ferret in her arms, sleep lingering in her eyes. The floor started to shake. Lily started to cry. A small obelisk grew from the livingroom floor. Curious Addison ran over to it. "A curse", she read. Everyone turned to look at Lily, who had been digging for treasure the day before.

"Out to the hovel. We'll get our tools and put all the dirt back into the holes", Doug yelled. They ran outside. Hearing Lily scream they turned around. The ground was opening to a hole which Lily was sure to fall in. Addison ran over and grabbed Lily's arm. "Addy!", Lily yelled. Addison let go. Lily's already muffled sobs quickly dissapeared as the hole closed up. Addison sat on her knees, begging the hole to open. "Hush. Hush little Addy. It's over", Dragon pulled her from the ground and they quietly walked to the hovel.

A wave of vertigo washed over Addison. She bent over and vomited, went into a coughing fit and her heart simply stopped. Doug and Dragon lifted her up and buried her underneath the tangerine tree. A storm started, the rain beating down on them like sticks on a drum. Dragon was struck by lightning. A ghostly whisper said "Rue the day".
Ten years later, Doug was killed by the spirit. He was with his family with a pierce of heart.

mouse

Maddyjean
Thank you for your entry. I think the overall story has merit but needs work to "polish" it. The first paragraph starts off well setting the scene but as the story progresses it seems to get a little disjointed. Too many short sentences.

Also, the word count by Microsoft Word, is 368 not 381. And, the use of the words menagerie & vicarious does not fit their definition.

Menagerie means : Collection of wild animals or a place where wild animal are kept.
Vicarious means: to substitute.

Please keep submitting stories. You have a great imagination and your skills will improve with time and practice.

maddyjean08

There are several meanings to those words. I got my definitions from Merriam Webster Online Dictionary. Reminder: I am ten. I require patience. Plus, I count myself so the counting probably is wrong.

mouse

Maddyjean
PLEASE do not think I am not being critical . I am just trying to help. I have reread your story several times .

I looked on the Merriam Webster Online Dictionary site.( all dictionaries should have the same meaning) And, while it does say---- Vicarious: Done or suffered for the benefit of someone else (using as an example :Vicarious Sacrifice) it also says " serving or acting for another ( this means substitute), I do not think it was used in that context here.

You have " Vicarious sacrifice" standing by itself, not connected to a thought. It's as though it were a statement and not an action.

And menagerie still means a collection of wild animals.

I realize you are 10 years old and I applaud you efforts. Keep trying. As I said you have a great imagination .

giraffe

Maddy (or is it Addy?) It's a really good mind-twister with a common thread. Mouse is right about the details, though. You have to be more careful about the usage. Nobody would be giving you constructive criticism if you weren't worth their effort. And you are.

matthew

Yep... I can see a great creative writer in your future... Work hard in school & you can go far...

giraffe

381 without counting the title (if you consider MaryBeth one word.)

The Dreadful Chasm

It was the worst year of my life after that first stroke. I still hold MaryBeth responsible for it, but I can't rue her disappearance forever. And, none the less, I was bedridden for months - trapped in a paralyzed state and having no outlet except to live vicariously through a male nurse named Bruce.

Now, he wasn't such a bad fellow. But in my state of need, he wouldn't be my first choice for a caregiver. I couldn't speak, write or move my head. His stories (which were all true) gave me vertigo. I only wanted for him to hush up and leave me to the menagerie of ideas inside my head, but he thought he was doing me a favor.

Have you ever been at the total mercy of someone you never would have spoken to, but now you have to listen to their mundane ramblings on end? Week after week I heard of his exploits in bars and dance clubs. I had to listen to his descriptions of sexual exploits. None of this was anything I was remotely interested in, but I preferred the care I was getting in my humble hovel to the institutional attention of a hospital.

This was MaryBeth's fault. I never would have gone into this state of stroke if she hadn't stormed at me with the crystal obelisk in her hand. She was furious that I, her husband, wouldn't pay attention to her "Tangerine dreams and Marmalade skies" routine. It was about her new make-up line and I had no more interest in that than I did in Bruce's bar hopping.

So now I was trapped. I know I should have spoken up sooner, but at this point I couldn't even speak. I couldn't tell Bruce how boring he was and MaryBeth had deserted me (forever, I hoped). I told myself over and over that if I came out of this stupor, I would ferret out some way to avoid the inevitable boredom of dealing with mundane people.

As you can see, I did survive and I hope you all take this class very seriously. That's why I call it "How to avoid the dreadful chasm". Your first assignment is: Close your eyes and think of the things you might have said.

midnightpoet

381, not including title...

"Wish you were here"

It’s a vicarious life, reading letters from my sister as I sit and stare out the window onto the dull, dead-end street that is my life.

My sister is back-packing across Europe, and I get postcards from her, and the occasional lengthy letter. In the letters she tells me of her amazing travels. I’d close my eyes and go there in my mind, clutching the piece of paper and dreaming of a life that would never be mine.

A new letter arrived today, and I grabbed a tangerine to snack on as I read it.

‘Dearest Sister,’ the letter began, as it always does.

‘We’ve been walking for weeks without a break to sleep in a real bed. We’ve set up camp under the stars every night, lucky that no storm has come lately.’

She always says ‘we’ in her letters, even though she’s traveling by herself. It’s how she brings me into her stories.

‘We camped one night by an obelisk. It was so tall that looking to the top gave us vertigo. There was a name on it, but not one we recognized. As we camped that night, we pretended that this stranger from the monument was with us.’

I loved her imagination. Alone in a strange country, and she still found friends, imaginary and real.

‘Tonight we’re staying in a hovel. Not the best we’ve stayed at yet, but it feels like a special place. There’s a menagerie next door to it, and we got to see these beautiful wild animals up close.’

I glanced over at the cage that my ferret was sleeping in and let out a deep sigh, closing my eyes and seeing tigers instead.

‘We hear the voices of other travelers here in our small, open room. It’s a refreshing change from the eerie hush on the road. We’re going to meet these strangers instead of talking to ghosts now.’

She signed her letter with all her love. My heart felt crushed…it was so much shorter than her usual letters. She was pulling away from me and this nowhere town.

I crushed the sheet of paper in my hand and tried hard not to rue the day that I told her to go, and I stayed behind to take care of our sick grandmother.

giraffe

Powerful statement about loss, Midnight. It seems like a dead end and then it's not, but at that moment it is. Kudos.

mouse

Giraffe
Excellent story! I can really relate to it ( I am a retired R. N. who worked with stroke victims). It is how people who have had a stroke feel and think. The story has a good flow to it and I do like the ending.

But, like I pointed out to Maddyjean, menagerie means a collection of wild animals or a place where they are kept. It can also mean a group of unusual people, I think I see how you meant to use it. ( a collection of ideas in his head ) but----

mouse

Midnight poet.
What a wonderful story. I can just see her sitting there feeling so sad and a bit envious. How many of us have felt that way at one time or another.
And, good use of "Menagerie"

maddyjean08

How many chances do we get to write a decent story?

mouse

Maddyjean
You can write as many stories as you like. I encourage you to submit more. You have a great imagination and I look forward to hearing more from you.