Dragon

I'm not going to wade into the 'laying' vs 'lying' discussion, but I thougtht I would put in a trick a teacher taught us for how to use I vs me in a sentence. These would be those sentences Qsilv (I think) brought up like
"Paula, Mary and I went to the store." or "She gave roses to Jon and me."

The trick my teacher used to figure out whether to use I or me in these situations was to remove the other people from the sentence and see if it still worked. So "Paula, Mary and I went to the store." becomes "I went to the store." Clearly it doesn't work if you say "Me went to the store."
And the same for "She gave roses to Jon and me." It becomes "She gave roses to me." Again it clearly wouldn't work as "She gave roses to I."
So that's my grammer trick. Hope it helps, even though no one really seemed to be stuck on that particular one.

marius

Dragon, I get stuck on that one frequently and use the same trick you were taught! Unless I have trick my brain can easliy remember, I'm lost. (Well, tee hee, can be a bit 'lost' anyway but we won't go into that now.) Used to have terrible time spelling 'weird.' Finally someone said, "WI can't be weird, but WE can be." That works! ; )

midnightpoet

Dragon, I learned the same trick for I vs Me...something else I learned, and I'm not sure where or when, so I don't know if it's actually true, is that when using I, it comes last, but when using Me, it comes first...thoughts?

Doug, loved your mental exercise...must go read that again.

ladyhwin

Here I go, Midnight!!! Hope you enjoy it 123 words w.out title.

HWIN
She laid the ropes in the kiosk and gently asked the mare to join her. She came willingly. Kit caressed the arched neck before leaping into action. The ostensibility of Hwin’s eagerness was made clear by her extravagant actions. There was no time to think, no time to muse about it, only the moments until Kit signaled again. Both horse and human showed complete apathy for their surroundings, synchronized as they were. No longer was there any malice between then, no desires to strangle each other. They were really succeeding now, but there could be no culmination, only more and more progress.
Kit smiled as she put a garland of daisies around Hwin’s neck. To lose this would be to lose her heart.

Qsilv

Grammatically, there's no rule about I or me coming first or last or anywhere... it's a convention of politeness to put ourselves last.

There are times when it's useful to move things around or even break rules outright... the emotional impact is stronger or logic is more easily followed.

You've got to be sure of your audience, though. In high school I was given a low mark by a visiting teacher for using an "incomplete sentence". Since I was an A student, clearly knew the rules and was writing for impact, I was more than a little stunned. I protested it (oh c'mon, I never was the meek sort...) and that mark was over-ruled by committee and cited as being officiously obstructive to actual literary quality... BUT it was gently suggested that I not to go around discussing it with the other students. ; P

Qsilv

- to = not go (+ forum post editor!)

marius

Since we can use more words, this is a re-write. 321 words this time.

Adjustments

We'd been walking in the Mall. Everything seemed to be going well, but then I said the dreaded word. Apathy. It set him off. He said he wants to strangle all the apathetic people. He said that sometimes I'm one of them.

We reached a sitting area. I suggested we sit but he leaned heavily on a nearby kiosk. His movement dislodged a left-over garland from the holidays. He looked at me and demanded, “Didn’t you hear me? Things will culminate the way *they* want. There is nothing we can do. Ostensibly, it will happen when they get it synchronized. So extravagant.” He made a harrumphing sound and flapped his arms in that odd way he has. He’s had Tardive Dyskinesia at least ten years. In the early days he said it bothered him but he hasn’t mentioned it in a long while.

It scares me when he gets too anxious, but my inner muse can often work wonders with Matt so I said, softly, “I’m sorry. Are you talking about the aliens and the computer chips in our brains?”

He snapped, “Don’t act stupid. You KNOW what I’m talking about! Why do people always act like they don’t know?” His glare held such malice.

Suddenly my brain filled with pictures of the baby turtle. It died when I was seven and Matt was three. I’d walked into the bathroom and Matt was hiding between the toilet and the wall. I had never seen such a look of pure terror. I remember him bursting into flowing torrents of pain and holding out his tiny hand. It held the baby turtle, flattened and unmoving. Matt explained in big heaving gasps, “The tuhdle wou’n come out t’ pway! I stood on im to get im to come out.”

I can still hear Matt wailing. It doesn’t feel so different from today. I make a mental note: Call Alice. Matt needs another med adjustment.

giraffe

i before e except after c - unless pronounced 'ay' as in neighbor or weigh. Then why are seismic and weird the exceptions? Drives ya crazy.

Pronounce "thologn" It's pronounced "turn". TH as in Thomas, OLO as in colonel, and GN as in gnat.

Qsilv

giraffe - ghoti... pronounced as 'fish' / enouGH / wOmen / naTIon

marius - ouch... any pronunciation will do, as long as it's looonnnng drawn out....

marius

Yeah ... I hated the way I did that too. He had a horrible speech impediment but maybe that's not part of the story and I could have written it in 'normal' English? Am open to ideas. Can you show me a more fitting pronunciatioin?

Qsilv

aaaaaack! no no no.... my apologies. I do NOT hate the way you did it. It's way more powerful now... and I was (vastly) understating the pain in it!!!!!!!

marius

lady, your story pulled me in. I liked it and there was energy in it that felt good to me. I liked it enough that I thought I'd like to see it written with words YOU would use if you weren't trying to follow the word list. No, am not asking you to re-write, but ..... when I was working on my story today, I thought, "If it really hurts to use a word on the list, if I can't make it fit but still like my story ... I think I'll leave the word out." (tee hee - it's not like I'm going to flunk the class for not using all the words). Did mange to get them all the words in, but I *still* don't like the way some of the word list words fit into my last story. Awkward.

marius

Dang it Qsilv, (I'm smiling with dang it, not mad) ... I thought I was going to get a lesson in how to write speech impediments! Rats!

But seriously, the way I wrote Matt's speech impediment worked or didn't?

Qsilv

The awkward speech worked perfectly.... just understandable enough and just awkward enough that I could "hear" it.

The awkward interactions with him, the tension build up, the lost potential, the pain, the resolution (current, temporary, yet offering the knowledge that someone else cares too, and holding still the glimmer of faint hope)... all of it worked perfectly, marius.

marius

Qsilv, thank you for kind words! : ) I am however, still lost.

You wrote: "marius - ouch... any pronunciation will do, as long as it's looonnnng drawn out...." I thought you meant that "Ouch, the speech impediments were not drawn out loooooonnnng enough." Yes, no, or should I just move on? (giggling much at confusion)

giraffe

Speaking of speech impediments, Who's the sadist who put the 'S' in lisp?

giraffe

Marius. Your story is touching. I have a 'trouble child' brother too. I like the long version.

ladyhwin

thanks marius. I didn't like the way I used ostensibility, don't think I even used it correctly, now that I'm looking it up online. I'm trying to write a second piece, maybe for the 321 word count, not sure yet.

I have an idea.... maybe....

Qsilv

marius - I was being a tad too cute, pairing a quick response to each of you in the same format... giraffe got "ghoti" and a brief explanation... you got "ouch" and a too brief comment. Yours is such a deep issue that it deserved either a properly referenced commentary or respectful silence on my part.

ladyhwin

actually.... maybe I did.

Ostensibly means something like professedly which means 'avowedly or by open declaration or avowal'

Kindof fits what I was trying to say about my horse...