Dragon

I'd like to know how someone discovers they have a talent for covering their body in wheels and flinging themselves down a mountain road. I wonder if there are courses.

BTW I've never had raclette (or actually even heard of it) but now I very much want some.

Qsilv

The wheeled wonder is a French fellow who sort of evolved it out of inline skating while he was in design school back in the 1990's, playing around with human balance

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean-Yves_Blondeau

Qsilv

Well, I first ran into Raclette in Liege, Belgium, pretty far away from Switzerland, but the whole melted cheese thing reminds me of an old children's novel, "Heidi" and always makes me smile.

It's totally yummy and you can buy various styles of Raclette grills here. White wine... various meats... lots of different beers... makes for a pleasant informal get-together, much like Fondue, but even easier.

Dragon

I am a great fan of melted cheese. Anything made good by cheese can be made better by warm, gooey cheese. Mmmm, warm, gooey cheese.

As for the skater guy he kind of reminded me of a transformer, hehehe. After watching it I thought he'd probably be good at the sport Skeleton, though he might find it boring without any unsuspecting motorists to avoid.

AuntieB

Mailbag time...

Dear Auntie B,
I am in a long term relationship with a wonderful man. We were childhood sweethearts. He took me to my prom, we dated each other through college and our relationship is still strong. We have lived together since graduate school and it is getting to be time we got married.
He has even brought the subject up himself.
My problem? He is not very romantic.
For my birthday and for holidays he buys me nice but not very inspired gifts; this Christmas he gave me a coat. For my birthday I got an emergency kit for the trunk of my car.
He has never taken me dancing, brought me flowers, given me jewelry in any form and his idea of dinner out is an all-you-can-eat family style restaurant.
To his credit he does pick up the tab whenever we are out, is very good about paying the bills and obviously adores me.
How can I get him to romance me?
I think if I ever opened a gift and saw a diamond I would die of shock.
This is not the life I dreamed of, but he is still the love of my life.
Help!
Distraught Desdemona


Gentlest Listener,
Ditch the jerk. Period.
I should stop here but you are obviously confusing a comfortable relationship with an interactive one and Auntie B needs to help you prevent this from happening again
Your boyfriend has known you your entire life and still hasn't caught on to what you appreciate?
You are sharing an apartment and obviously shacking up so what motivation does he have to ever change his misguided ways? None whatsoever.
If you should bring the subject up at this late date he will only come to the conclusion that you are going through a change of life. His entire support network will tell him the same. In a way you have caused this crisis yourself by not explaining to him, in subtle feminine ways, years ago, precisely what you want.
Your second date together should have been his last chance.
One can always discount the first date. A typical scenario is that he shows up in jeans and a t-shirt and takes you to a movie followed by a milkshake and a few minutes in the car before he escorts you to the door.
He didn't know better before the date began but by your subtle clues during the date he had better learn that this was a complete failure.
Never accept a second date with him until he improves his game plan.
If Romeo call for date #2 and says 'Hey Des, let'd go bowling on Friday' your reply must be 'No thank you ______ is taking me to _______'.
Make sure your destination is several notches up from where Romeo last took you.
If Romeo calls again with better options you may accept. This time he needs to be dressed like a gentleman, and bring flowers. Unless he is an idiot he knows this.

Basically your current boyfriend has been with you long enough to know your ring size, which gemstones you prefer, what vacation spots make you melt into pleasurable delirium and how to perfectly fix your favorite drink and have it ready the second you walk into the apartment.
Auntie B is of a certain age and has been through several husbands, but never in my adult life has there ever been a time when fresh flowers from a spouse or an admirer have not graced my boudoir.
You should demand the same.

Baldur

Auntie B, I must protest. NOBODY gets that treatment.

AuntieB

Baldur, mind your own business.
Anybody who does not demand such treatment will never get it.
Men are generally clueless about such matters, it is a woman's duty to explain it all and reinforce it through training.
The rewards are great when one follows the rules that society has set in place.
This is a time-honored tradition that goes back for centuries. Everyone should learn from history.
Cleopatra, Helen of Troy, Anne Boleyn... the examples are endless.
True Anne lost her head, but she was very successful at her game.

puzzler

Auntie B, wasn't Helen a mythological figure and I heard that Cleo committed suicide because of a man.

Login

Yeah ... and if Desdemona is with a man who adores her, then she has everything.

Oh, and Aunty B ... my brother has been going out with a girl since August and he's just discovered she has a wooden leg. Should he break it off.

Dragon

Absolutly should not break it off. She will be very angry with him as they are very expensive to get repaired.

AuntieB

As Auntie B reads the situation Desdemona wants romance, her boyfriend will never provide that. So no she doesn't have everything.
Not everyone has the same classic good looks or is graced with a timeless figure like Auntie B has been blessed with.
Desdemona should use what she's got before she loses it.
She needs the type of man who will surprise her with emerald earrings because they remind him of the way her eyes reflect moonlight.
This is not too much to ask.
Helen of Troy mythical? Where's the proof?
We know her parents were Zeus and Leda, that's enough for Auntie.
Cleo made a few missteps along her path but she was savvy enough to stop Julius from stripping her kingdom away from her. When she got involved with that R&B singer her problems began.

AuntieB

Login, your brother should definitely not break off the wooden leg.
It seems a bit rude to me.
Kudos to the young lady for having such a realistic appendage to have fooled him for so long.

Dragon

Dear Auntie B,
My question veers from the realm of romance into the world of petcare. I have a large manx cat who I'm very fond have found recently to be a noisy bugger. He meows constantly, I can't tell you how often I've been heard shouting "Shut your big fat pie hole" or "Poop In Silence!!"
I know the regular prescribed Auntie B cure for this might include a regimen of tazering but was shocked to learn (before tazering dear little noise maker thank goodness) that this can lead to complications the most common being sudden and irreversible death. Can you suggest any other methods of noise control for my pesky pest?
Yours Truly,
Sleepless in Saskatchewan

Robindcr8l

Dear Auntie B, I am anxiously awaiting your response to Dragon, as I, too, have a problem with a noisy animal. 5am..."cock-a-doodle-doooooo!!!" Explain to me why WNYONE would want a rooster???!!! My darling cates are good about killing mice, gophers, and unfortunately the occasional songbird. I'd love to see them get that rooster!

AuntieB

Auntie B is a cat lover and would never recommend using a TASER on a cat, a small yapping dog could get fried repeatedly, but a poor little cat NEVER.
Now think about how this problem started.
You spend every waking moment talking to your cat: 'Oh look at my pretty little pussykins, give mama a kiss' etc etc. You know this is true, all cat lovers hold one sided conversations with kitty. Now when kitty catches on and decides to converse back you wonder why.
Now that the cat is out of the bag what you need to do is teach her that constant meowing is annoying.
When kitty meows respond by barking, loudly and convincingly.
She won't care for that one bit and will eventually taper off the meowing just to get you to be quiet.

Now for the pesky rooster
Go to allrecipes.com and print out some lovely roasted chicken recipes (choose those that have nice photos of the finished dish). Use stiff card stock to print the recipes on.
Attach each to a little wooden stake and stick them in the ground at rooster eye level facing his yard.
Now whenever he makes even the slightest peep ring the dinner bell.
A few Kentucky Fried Chicken buckets used as planters around your property will also help make your point clear.

Baldur

Baldur had a psychotic cat years ago named Aja.
He was amazing and very entertaining. He slept in bed with me with his head on a pillow and his body under the covers like a person.
I ended up getting him his own pillow. Aja never figured out that he was a cat.
When Sandra (my exwife) moved in and as wives tend to do started sleeping in my bed Aja was not giving up without a fight.
He switched his sleeping spot so he was now between Sandra and myself, still with his head on the pillow and body under the covers.
Sandra never did get used to that. She wanted me to put a stop to it.
I tried patiently explaining to her that Aja lived here long before she did.
Her parents thought the whole thing hysterical.

Dragon

That's funny, because Oscar (the noisy manx) used to sleep on the bed with me before I moved in with my boyfriend. He would often climb under the covers and use my arm as a pillow and sleep the night away. When I moved in with my fella we tried to let my cats sleep in the bed with us as they'd always done but Oscar just couldn't seem to settle. It was like the excitement of having that man in the bed was just too much for him to handle. He'd walk up and down the bed all night long (every circuit would include stepping right on my fella's wedding tackle) eventually we locked them out at night and now we can sleep (most of the time)

Baldur

I used to spy on Aja, it would drive him nuts.
If he were in the kitchen i would peer at him with just one eye from around the corner, acting like I was hiding from him. He would howl and come running at me.
If I were reaing a book I would look at him over the top of the page until he noticed, then he would jump up on top of me and stare back nose to nose. He was a lot of fun.

Qsilv

(muffling unseemly laughter here at Dragon's tale... unsuccessfully)

'k, altho' there's a streak in me that absolutely adores AuntieB's advice, let me just toss in an alternative--

A couple years ago I inherited a cat who was used to a loud household and could MORE than hold her own. Guys who tried intimidating her by yelling "SHUT UP" were met with escalating power plays which I just don't have time to paint pictures of in words just now, more's the pity.

I tried an experiment (and...er... convinced the guys to cooperate). Every time she vocalized, we either turned away from her or spoke to her in as low a voice as is physically possible while still vocalizing vs whispering.

This went on for a large chunk of the first day. Her response was interesting. At first it seemed like there was none, but... gradually I noticed she was beginning to modulate her tones. The volume was still at full pitch.

Suddenly there was a crucial moment: I was standing at the stove sauteing something and out of the corner of my eye noticed her stalk to the front door, look back over her shoulder toward me, and open her mouth... no sound at all. I literally tossed that saute' skillet to the back of the stove and nearly leapt to open the front door... and as I did, I lowest-possible-voiced to her, "Thank you, Audrey".

She spent the next few (3 or 4) days experimenting, and now the only time she gets loud is if the house is full of people and the overall volume rises... or when she's supremely upset over missing or unsatisfactory vittles or perceived scarcity or brevity of cuddle sessions. Even altercations with other cats are now done at fascinatingly low volume.

Good luck... ;>

Baldur

He would eat almost anything, and especially loved pancakes.
I would always fry a small pancake for him first so he would leave me alone while I cooked the rest.
One evening Sandra was frying liver for dinner.
Suddenly I heard her screaming:
'COME GET YOUR STUPID CAT OFF THE STOVE!'.
Sure enough there he was watching her cook his dinner.
I told her it was always best to cook his portion first.
She stared at me like I was crazy to cook anything for the cat, but I always gave him at least a little of whatever I had cooked.