workingoutaname

I kiss her headstone softly, letting my raspberry lip gloss linger on the cement as the moon creeps over the treetops.
The moon starts casting shadows. But a deserted graveyard is not so scary, as people seem to think. For me, it is romantic. It is a date with my best friend on a warm, moonlit summer night; a secret meeting with my lover in the dark. In the distance a wolf howls at the sky, and for a moment I forget where I am. The iron fence surrounding me disappears, leaving only hedges and grass and trees. A crow lands on a tree a few paces to my left, and he reminds me of her hair. The thought of her brings me back to the cemetery, to her tomb, to the place in my mind that knows she is gone. The realization hits me like a wave. In this part of my mind I’m still grieving, and as I stand in front of her, I hold back tears that have been forming since she left.
“Goodbye, Mor-“ I don’t finish saying her name. I can’t. Not yet.
It’s time to go. I finally force myself to step back. A lonely tear scales a mountain in my eye, only to fall to the ground as I turn.

------------------

216 and one half words.

workingoutaname

Just finished reading through the kids' responses, and wowza! That's right, I mean wowza. And I don't use that word lightly. Fantastic work, kids! Do I sense a few future authors here??

five

Treetop tomb --
Wolf scales iron.
Raspberry --
Moonlit kiss?
Wave, Raven!

[I know. I know. Doesn't count.]

chelydra

Hey, five, don't be too sure!
Just 41.3 more of these creations to go before you hit 433!And then there's the 216.5 option is you get lazy. And thanks to Midnightpoet's precedent, you can get away with 108.25... and what did I settle for for with Mumsontwo? A grand total of 43-44 words. So, actually, you're just about halfway there. Just two more using all ten words, and then one with 3.3 words, and you're home free, as eligible as anyone!

Greetings, workingoutaname, and welcome aboard the good ship ThinkWrite. Wowza to you too - I wonder if you could possibly know how on target your story was... right down to the raven hair... and that same shifting back and forth between ashes-and-dust reality and moonlit memory... Mind you, that's not a comment on the literary quality -- which I'm still trying to avoid with stories that qualify. I'll have to read it fifty more times to figure how much of my reaction came from what you said, and how much from how you said it.

five

On that note...

Moonlit ... iron(y).
Kiss tomb: raspberry scales.
Treetops wave(r); Raven? Wolf?
Moonli(gh)t scales treetops. Wolf (en)tomb(ed).
Raven kiss(ed). Wave(ring), iron(ically) ... raspberries.
Wave. Rasp. Tomb. Moonlit.


Rasp = 0.3 words? Well, 1/2 word (or 4/5 by letters) ... so close.

Hazer

Thanks for your kind words Mum.

It has been interesting to see your stories evolve. Will there be more? I hope so!

Yes, I'm sure the young ones enjoy the competition! I just know that I would be absolutely no good at picking one story above another when it comes to them. The adults, now that's a different matter....although still a tough one!

chelydra

And Mumdaughter - I checked your word-count and it's 381. Add another XX words (I'll let you do the math because you're probably better at it than I am, since you've probably already had a better education than mine) to this one (without changing the best bits, please!) or else, better yet, write a new one with exactly 433 words (or the other options I just mentioned to Ms. Five) - best of all, do both! I think you've already won the popularity contest here (which doesn't count towards the writing prize), so you might as well see about making your contributions official entries, don't you think?

Yeah yeah yeah, I know, I spent ages tweaking MiddleBrother's poem to get it to qualify, but that was just one word (and a fraction) away, and getting rid of a word without changing the poem didn't seem like such a big deal (until I tried to do it). To be totally fair, we still need carve away 7/10th of a word, but I'll let the author (or you, or BigBrother) take care of that daunting task. (Hint: if there is no eligible 10-letter word, put on in, in place of some shorter word, and then knock off seven letters. Good luck! It would take me weeks, but I'm sure you kids can pull it off in five minutes.)

chelydra

Having been publicly chastised for my efforts to edit a word out of Mumsontwo's poem to make it eligible --- "Hey, no fair bending the rules for the kids and nobody else!" --- I hereby extend the same courtesy (if we can call it that) to Ms Five, who is off not by a word but by one letter. This solution (if we can call it that) is of course merely a suggestion, or a helpful hint, and five herself is the only proper judge of what she shall submit, so her own solution would be welcomed with open arms... but if she likes this one, that's fine too.



Moonlit. Kiss werewolf.
Raspberry treetops wave.
Raven scales iron tomb.

Treetop tomb --
Wolf scales iron.
Raspberry --
Moonlit kiss?
Wave, Raven!

Moonlit ... iron(y).
Kiss tomb: raspberry scales.
Treetops wave(r); Raven? Wolf?
Moonli(gh)t scales treetops. Wolf (en)tomb(ed).

Raven kiss(ed). Wave(ring), iron(ically) ... raspberries.
Wave. Ras T(afarit)omb. Moonlit.




This of course would be the tomb of the honourable Emperor Haile Selassie, King of Kings and Lord of Lords, Conquering Lion of Judah, Second Advent, God Incarnate, known as Ras Tafari before his 1930 coronation— Tafari being his given name and Ras being a title said (by Rastafarian websites) to mean something sort of like Duke — or maybe it didn't mean anything like duke; the duke thing is very likely historical revisionism trying to cover up his youthful appellation of One-Third Of A Raspberry.

mum23

workingoutaname... wowza indeed! I don't need to work out why or how you did it, but I got goosebumps reading your story... I look forward to more (stories and goosebumps)!

The kids were rapt at your comments about their writing - thank you.

chelydra, when I said the bit about bending the rules etc, I actually had marg in mind, but what's fair for one...

My daughter is thoroughly delighted with her story the way it is, as well she should be, so I'll leave it to you to decide whether or not she should be an eligible contender. Either way, she already feels like a winner.

marg

'allo all..

I can only repeat 'wowza' for ALL of the entries so far - I'm just so glad that I don't have to choose between them, 'cuz they're all winners

My silly little poem was just that - and I really enjoyed the play time to write it - but I never wanted it taking seriously and I hope to write a compliant piece of seriously silly writing in time to meet the end date of the challenge.

Oh, and by the way - I love having ThinkWrite back where everyone can play

workingoutaname

Hullo, thanks for the comments! I found ThinkWrite when it was it's own site, and I couldn't bear to give it up when it returned here, so here I am too!

chelydra

Today, woods by Field of Blood, reptilian scales of rusted iron loosely draping the bones of a knight. I remembered him. I had felled him. Sent his cowardly Christian soul aloft to bathe in the tears of his Blessed Virgin, curl up whimpering on that virgin lap for all eternity or until Ragnarok whichever comes first.
They’re back. Now I’m the one who flees.
My kinsmen converted, wife and sons too. They think me mad and dangerous. I won’t kneel to a carved corpse, can’t confess my sins. I have no sins, don’t kneel to anyone.
Imagined thousands like me, driven from ancestral homesteads, living off the land. We’d meet up, regroup, restore order. No, just one feeble-minded wanderer, and him I had to silence. Could it be just me they’re hunting down? Or not even; are these horsemen crashing through the woods surveying for some new fiefdom? My fatherless sons can be their serfs, praying for the health of their lord and his lady.
Hunted or not, if found I’m dead.
Climb up into the trees, wait for dusk.
The east wind whispers. Clouds darken the sky. The east wind roars. Hard to see in deep shade. What I see bodes ill.
Raven’s muddy feathers cling to delicate maggot-polished bones. Two eggshells rest unbroken under a frayed maternal wing. Little family tomb of sticks and straw looks ready to fly away out of waving swaying treetops. Raspberries from morning. One I nestle by her beak. Two more, for the children. Eat the rest as rain comes wet and wild. Only lasts a moment. Dry in here almost, belated drops fat and cold plopping down through thick green talkative foliage.
Knight, now bird. Yesterday’s meandering idiot crossing my path, tagging along, friendly stray dog of a fellow keeping pace with my stride, tuneless humming I rather enjoyed, eyes firelit as I told him stories I doubt he comprehended, dispatched him gently sleeping. A habit acquired in war, real war not fugitive foolishness, wouldn’t have mattered who he told anyway.
Huginn and Muninn come to us now bring us news tell us are we doomed? Or have you forgotten how to fly? Geri, Freki, are you war-howling wolf-pair or milk-sheep snoozing with senescent Woden? Yggdrasil have they carved you up into little crucifxes?
Farewell kiss for my raven ladyfriend.
I descend. Wet grass.
I will walk north by day and by night I will walk north. Wyrd I know I can trust to find me, take me in. Wyrd alone is everywhere and always.

chelydra

Written in fits and starts, way too short, then way too long, butchered down to almost meaningless terseness, then fluffed up again, and down and up... the whole time mostly just trying to get it over with (since etiquette seems to require a contributioin from the acting judge) ... too lazy & distracted to fix the damage of all those ups and downs. Might be a good story in there somewhere. Can't tell anymore.

five

Rewrite accepted!

ladyhwin

Here, at last, is my own contribution! I went double on the word count, so this is exactly 866 words.. I will try to come up with something for 433, but let me know if this is eligible anyways...
***
Inspired by a quarrel with my best friend and the songs "Dante's Prayer" and "Skellig" sung by Loreena McKennitt. Enjoy.
***

The dark night settled heavily over the forest, lacing its edges with tears and crumbled hopes, trapping all those nearby within its tomb-like boundaries, clutching them close with an iron grip. The birds’ songs began to fade, but with the darkness came not the usual sounds of night, merely an eerie silence that echoed throughout the forest, from the treetops into the depths of the earth.
Just within the edge of the trees she sat, watching the beauty of the moonlit night outside the thick blackness of the forest. Her pale, hungry, blue eyes watched as the sunset disappeared, its vibrant waves of color fading into blackness. Gently, tenderly, she blew on the candle in her hands, coaxing the tiny flame to life. Hurriedly the shadows fled, leaving her alone in the warm glow of the light. In her lap there lay a pile of dragon scales, their soft raspberry-red sheen contrasting sharply with the creamy tone of her gown.
Wistfuly, she watched the candlelight flicker off the oddly-shaped discs, forgetting the night around her. The shadows crept closer again as she lost herself to her memories, drowning in the sadness of her heart.
“Please remember me…”
Those words haunted her… so simple, so clear, and yet so incredibly beyond her reach. She had tried so hard to fulfill what they entailed, she had travelled to the ends of the earth to find the answers to impossible questions… only to return once more… empty-handed…
In the distance a wolf began to howl, drawing her out of her reverie, bringing her suddenly to the realization that time was running short… She leaped to her feet, grasping the hem of her gown to save the ruby scales from scattering. The shadows whispered, urging her to leave the mission. The four winds whistled in her ear, pressing her onwards. She reeled in confusion for a moment, uncertain, then a raven’s hoarse croak from deep in the forest drove all hesitation from her mind and she plunged into the blackness, carefully shielding her candle.
Long minutes later, the bird’s harsh call brought her to that which she sought. Cautiously she descended into the deepest night she had ever encountered. At the base of the stairs she caught a glimpse of an hourglass in her candlelight, the white fire inside swirling franticly, nearly spent despite its efforts. Shuddering, she pressed on down the tunnel, urgency clutching her heart fiercely. At long last she saw the gleam of another candle ahead and her breath came fast. But just as she reached it, a horrific roar stopped her in her tracks. A large, shaggy creature stood in the doorway, the doorway to that room she needed desperately to reach. Holding her candle before her, she began to chant softly, moving towards the creature rhythmically. The words had the necessary effect and the monster remembered her, drawing aside with a wistful purr.
Rushing into the room, she saw him. For a moment she thought she was too late, that the hourglass had shattered while she was still in the tunnel. But in the eerie silence she saw him mouthing her name and she dropped to the ground at his side.
The old man’s eyes flickered open, mirroring the pale, hungry, blue that was in his great-great-great-great granddaughter’s. His smooth face lit up and a smile curved his thin lips at the sight of her. “You came,” he whispered.
She nodded, beginning to tremble. “But I could not find the answers to your questions, Father. I failed you and now it is too late.”
Feebly he raised a thin hand for a moment to her cheek. “But you learned so much!” his voice cracked on the words and he lay back tiredly. “And now it is time…”
She stood quietly, taking in his meaning. “You didn’t need the answers then. All those years…”
“Fifty years, minimum, of course. You did well, my love,” the old man murmured. “Now begin, please…”
His eyes closed and she knew she had to go through with this. Moving swiftly, she found his collection of vials and flasks, selecting those he had marked. Carefully setting her candle aside, she poured the flickering scales into a bowl and then began to trickle fire over them. The heat of the liquid hissed on the smooth surface of the beautiful discs as they slowly melted, swirling in brilliant colors. Hurriedly, before it cooled, she fetched a sprig of nightshade and dissolved it into the mixture.
“It is ready,” the old man murmured, raising his head. Slowly, almost reluctantly, she brought the bowl to his mouth, pouring it slowly down his throat. It was gone in a moment and swiftly she bent over, kissing him before the fire had faded from his lips. A shudder passed through her being, she could feel his power rushing into her heart and soul, filling her with a love, a passion and a wisdom that surpassed all other love, passion and knowledge she had known before.
She heard his faint whisper. “Run! The hourglass has broken… you must go.”
The lion appeared beside her and she mounted, watching sadly as her mentor slipped away.
And then she fled.

ladyhwin

By the way... loving everyone's contributions!!!

marg

Well, here you go - and very deliberately this is not a contender - I'm just having fun. I thought it was time to add a little bit of levity to the proceedings, so please accept this as just a 'wanna join in' thing

The raven had been quaffing again – against all the rules. Tsking under his breath, Porton picked up the inebriated bird and took it outside to the lawn, where he placed, or rather laid, it down on the grass.

The festivities had reached a peak of silliness that he would rather not have had to endure. He stole a moment to gaze around him – the quiet skies and serene treetops above the courtyard, the statue of Justice overlooking the ducking pond, weighing the fate of all mankind in her scales, and in the far corner, the old Master’s tomb, now moonlit and looking faintly green.

What was it, he thought ? What had made them all act like that ? Surely not the tomato soup (which Cook had taken pains to make without the normal chillies), or the ‘Chicken a la King’ without the prongy bits, or even the raspberry ripple, which admittedly had been more like a wave…

Slowly he walked over to the tomb. The shadows etched the gentle folds of the stone mantle and he knelt quickly to kiss the stone ring, where the cold marble hand rested on the lid of the crypt.

Back inside the hall, he stopped momentarily to remove a small iron bar from the ear of one of the guests before turning to close the drapes. Somewhere out there, beyond the dark walls, something howled like a wolf; he was almost sure that it was the raven.

chelydra

More great stuff!
The long-awaited Ladyhwin enters at last, hauling with her this massive and most welcome contribution - no wonder it took awhile to get it here!
Marg after the usual disingenuous protestations blows my mind again. (I said that taking her word for its not being a contender, therefore eligible for my remarks, but I didn't check the list or word-count yet, which I will, because at first glance it certainly LOOKS like contender.)
And stillthinkingaboutanameorwhateverhisnameis (it's on another page now) introduces himself and now I accept that he is not who I suspected he might be, and am more impressed than ever (which I wasn't allowed to say, but there it is)...
...and I could go on, but will just finish with a day-early THANK YOU to everyone who showed up, and especially the several who persisted with extra contributions and refinements (thereby adding to the interest). As I may have already indicated more that once, I feared my variations and options were so convoluted that people might just say "huh?" and lose interest, leaving me alone at the party. Instead, they actually did what I hoped they'd do, for those who like the 'challenge' part no less than the 'write' part. Oh - and a special thanks too to Midnightpoet, not only for her contributions and welcome presence in this challenge, but also for her remarkably gracious hosting of the previous one, which (obviously) I didn't even try to emulate. Her on-going commentaries on the contributions as they arrived betrayed no favoritism, encuraged everyone, and made her choice of the winner seem fair and reasonable rather than utterly perverse decision it clearly was!
See y'all tomorrow. Plenty of time left to undermine or topple what seems at the moment my certainty about the outcome. Send in some dynamite!

midnightpoet

I'm so loving everything that everyone has written - it is just wonderful to see life in a ThinkWrite Challenge again! I just want to squee with unicorns and glitter and rainbows and all kinds of happiness - but that would totally destroy my image as twisted and morbid.

So great to see the submissions from Marg and Ladywhin and our awesome host Chelydra! And really great to see that Workingoutaname has made his way over here from the other site - excellent submission!

midnightpoet

(part 4: The End; 108.25 words)

In the softly
moonlit
night, a strange
wave
crosses the
slowly
flowing water
to kiss
the muddy bank.

The wave
reaches the rocks
at my feet and
a hand
covered in mud
and gore
breaks from it and
scales the edge
of your river tomb.

I know it’s you.
I hold my
breath.

Don’t –
Don’t sc –
SCREAM!

Iron weights
lay heavy on my chest
and all that escapes
is a small, panicked cry
like the call of a
dying raven
being devoured
by a vicious wolf.

Your body
emerges from
the water
alive, yet as unnatural
as raspberries
blooming in treetops
in the middle of winter.

Please
be gentle.