solosater

So I didn't go out of town but I have been kinda' lazy.

Does anyone know what it is that builds up in the muscles that makes them hard and tight? I've been having an new and improved headache that comes with a stiff neck and a choking feeling. I wonder if I can counteract them by removing whatever it is but don't know what or how...

Help?

marius

solosater - I just have to tell you, love the way you write and express yourself. You crack me up with your "this is how I am" stories. Think it makes me laugh cause am a bit like that myself. (giggle)

And, was going to add the following to Baldur Radio as the discussion started there ... but seems to fit so well over here too. Anyway, remember your story about tomatoes? I had that happen with many a food item when I was a kid. Right on the plate. It was horribly embarrassing and parents thought I was doing it on purpose. NO! The gag reflex is better now, but not that long ago it was so powerful that just looking at, or smelling, certain foods was enough to set things off.

As for how to handle this problem in public, it's tricky. You just don't want to say when dining at a friend's house, "Well, I could eat your Brussels sprout veg medley, but in less than a second you'd get to see it back on the plate. Is that really what you want?" Mercifully, my good friends know about this so we don't have to talk about it anymore. But sometimes people push. They want to know WHY you won't eat their pumpkin soup, liver, etc. To get around that I've claimed allergies, medication disagreements, and when all else fails, have said things like, "It's against my religion to eat peas." Honestly, people should THINK before pushing food. If someone says they can't eat something, believe them and don't ask why ... you don't really want to know!!!

solosater

marius gave a link to a supertaster test on Channel Baldur but I agree this does fit here.

So I test as a supertaster too but I like cabbage, spinach, coffee, broccoli and such. Brussels sprouts are a little gross if not prepared just so, many people over cook them terribly.

According to this test it seems more about preparation and atmosphere than flavor, I can say that preparation is key to my liking a dish. I'll eat almost anything so long as it is prepared well. For me it isn't generally an issue of what is served but how. I like simple flavors without too much seasoning. I enjoy food that tastes like what it is not what is added.

I'm a chicken lover but if I am served a piece of chicken that has been marinated to the point it now tastes like lemon and herbs but not so much lemon herb chicken I am disappointed and will eat only enough to satisfy my need for protein but will fill up on whatever else is on my plate.

Many people like a lot of seasoning or sauces on their vegetables, I prefer most with just a bit of salt and butter and find that if I do like a sauce it is generally because the vegetable has been cooked to hard and now needs the sauce to mask the yuck. I don't mind canned vegetables and in fact prefer canned peas and green beans over frozen or fresh (I know, crazy). I like baked potatoes with butter, sour cream and black pepper anything more than that is in the way of my enjoyment of the potato. I like my french fries without salt and extra crispy, never any seasoning on french fries, chips too without salt or only very lightly salted. Mashed potatoes should have milk, butter and salt and pepper - garlic, cheese and other additives are again in the way of the perfection that is the potato.

I am not a huge fan of fish but given well prepared trout or microwaved or boiled chicken, I'll take the fish every time. I can taste the microwave on food. Most people think I'm crazy but it changes the flavor of food, especially protein, to something I find quite unpalatable.

Margarine does not taste like butter. Butter tastes like butter. If I cannot have butter, I'll take a little extra salt, even on toast. Sugar is sugar, honey is honey, they do not compare any more than apples and pears. This is true of molasses, sorghum, stevia, and other assorted natural sweeteners as well. Splenda is decent if you can't have sugar but Sweet & Low and Equal do not taste like sugar and you cannot convince me otherwise. Maple syrup tastes like maple syrup and Mrs Butterworth and the like do not. EVER.

I guess my point is that I like food if it is prepared to my tastes and tastes like it is supposed to. I don't know if that makes me a supertaster or if I'm just picky. I've always heard "picky" as a bad thing but I think I'm not being too picky to expect well prepared food.

solosater

Here's that link again for anyone who would like to test their taster.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/body/interactives/supertaster/index_01.shtml

mar ius, I don't generally need to make excuses for not eating things, I guess because I do tell it like it is, people don't try to make me eat things (or do things) when I say no thanks. There are a few exceptions of coarse but I generally will be very blunt with them, "Well, I certainly could eat just a little bit but then I'd have to vomit and wouldn't that just ruin dinner for everyone?" I guess I feel like if they want to go there, I'll meet them in the middle. I think it is rude to try to make a person eat something when they have stated they won't. I'm not embarrassed by my stomach most of the time and when someone tries to make me feel that way I prove to them in no uncertain terms that they cannot.

The same person that I'm thinking of who ever questions me about not eating something will always ask where my sweater is too. I run hot most of the time and except on very cold days will generally not need extra outer wear. Any time between September and May if I see her she asks where my sweater is. I'm an adult person, I can decide if I need a sweater. I feel that way about the food too.

On a slightly different thread, when someone says no to alcohol, it is in very pour taste and quite rude to try to convince them to have a drink. We don't know what they may be struggling with. They could be recovering alcoholics, and we try to get them to drink? Rude. I think most would agree with that but many will not see the similarity in the food argument. I see it as very much the same.

This of course is different than requiring a child, your own, to at least try a food before deciding that they do not like it.

marius

Ahhh - solosater, I love your style. Think I will practice saying, "If I eat that I will gag." But that will take a lot of work as simply *saying* the words, gag or vomit, makes me feel queasy. (My PTSD issues around food are pronounced.) But, I keep improving. Until ten years ago I could not look at Brussel's sprouts in the grocery store. And if I wanted any veggies that were located near the B. Sprouts, I couldn't buy them. I'd actually go to another store to see if the veggies there were not near the sprouts. So you see, the mere talk about what happens when I see or smell an offending food brings up issues, and ha ha, possibly other things!

There are many sites on being a super taster and from what I've read it does have more to do with your tongue and genetics than atmosphere. (So that test I posted seemed odd.) Many super tasters like some of the usual offending foods. My grandson is almost the king of super tasters and yet he likes broccoli. Also, when people age, their taste buds change, so that is why something you didn't used to like becomes palatable.

Here's a great article about taste buds. Tells about taste buds on the roof and sides of mouth and how tastes change as we age. http://archive.supermarketguru.com/page.cfm/299

Here's another test that involves ways to count a small section of your taste buds to "see" if you are a super taster.
http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/health/nutrition/supertaster-test-0607

Dragon

I must agree wholehearedly with solo's philosophy of forcing food on people. I think kids should have to at least try something before they decide they don't like it, but I think adults should be given the benifit of the doubt. Can we please assume that by the time someone gets to the age of 20 or 25 they can be trusted when they say 'I'm sorry, I can't eat that.' I've been to a house where the rule was you must at least try some before you say no. I was then served a giant plate sized mushroom. I do not do mushrooms, there is simply something about them I just can't stand. I politely refused but was guilted into taking some and trying it because I was not following the rules. There was no vomiting but there certainly was no pleasure in the meal from then on. I'm also frustrated when I'm at someone's house for dinner and someone (usually the host) points out 'Oh, you missed the creamed corn' In fact I didn't miss it at all, I just can't stand it. Trust me, I'm pretty open-minded about food, if I don't take at least a little it's because I know I don't like it and I think it's better to leave it altogether than to wind up with a pile of stuff I didn't want in the first place left on my plate. I don't need it pointed out to the whole table and then have to justify why I don't like it.

marius

While I agree with everyone on the idea of not forcing food on folks, am not sure about agreement with the idea that kids should at least take one bite of something. And, yes, I realize kids will "play" adults but ... if it's true that about 75% of our taste ability is actually a function of smell, imagine this scenario.

You have a super-taster kid (which means enhanced sense of smell too) and you ask that kid to just "take one bite." From the kid's point of view, what you are asking is NOT to take one bite. From the kid's view, what you are asking him/her to do is to "take one bite" of a food that smells like and/or looks like, and therefore probably is, sh_t!

Even one bite is way too much for a kid like that.
So says the person who WAS that kid. (giggle)

marius

And of course this idea of "forcing" now leads the mind in another direction. Have never met one person who likes to be pushed, coerced or guilted into doing something. Doesn't matter if the issue being forced is tasting food, going to an event, or listening to music that grates. No one likes to be pushed.

Here's my question. Why do we humans do this? And why do we sometimes accommodate the pushiness? (Am thinking solosater does not get pushed much, so could ask why solo doesn't get pushed?)

I positively hate being pushed, but it has happened quite a bit. And, I've given in quite a bit too, most always to my regret. One time I got pushed into getting into the little box (am claustrophobic) and going to the top of the Arch in St. Louis. Heights like that do not thrill. When back on terra firma, was asked if the experience was worth it and I said, "NO! Should have listened to myself." People laughed but it got me thinking.

To my horror, discovered that I have pushed people to do things! Oh horrors! Me? Yes, me. So, every time that I feel someone pushing me now, I think, "karmic payback." Meanwhile I try very hard to never push anyone.

But still ... why did I ever push anyone to begin with? Is it something I learned? (Yes, that was how things were done in our family. The name of the game was to get power over others.) Or do we push others because it makes us feel better if they like what we like? I don't know.

I do know that reading everyones ideas has given me a firm resolve to not let myself feel guilted into doing anything, ever, again! PERIOD! Thanks to all of you for this new resolution. Ahhh - feeling good just thinking about it.

solosater

I sort of agree with you that the issue shouldn't be forced even on children and I can say from experience that some food is distasteful well before it gets to the mouth (beets!), but Balance is required in all things. I wish my mother had required me to try more foods on the other hand if she had ever tried to get me to eat beets I'd still be sitting there today with moldy desiccated beets in front of me. I guess every situation is different as is every child.

As to why I don't get forced or guilted into things, I think it is because I don't care enough about looking childish or scared or prudish or wimpy or uncool or whatever else I may be taunted with. I never have cared either which I think saved me from some things growing up.

I've never smoked a cigarette. I had plenty of opportunity but I always thought it was stupid and I didn't care who did it or how cool some thought it was, I wasn't going to.

I grew up looking like an adult from the age of 12 or 13 and some of my friends would try to get me to order alcohol at restaurants. I wouldn't do it, it was wrong and there was no question about it. When I was about 16 years old I liked to order virgin daiquiris (now you can order smoothies in most restaurants but then they weren't on the menu). One time I got my drink and took a sip and realized there was rum in it. I called the waitress over and told her that I'd ordered a virgin and got the real thing, that she could be fined for it and that the restaurant could loose its liquor license. She looked at me like I was a freak (most kids would have drank it and felt they were getting away with it). She brought me a virgin and didn't mention it again. All my friends at the table kinda shook their heads in shame over my uncoolness (?) but I just didn't care.

That's it I don't care.

That is not to say I won't do things to make others more comfortable or to make things easier on myself and others. Those are good reasons to do things. I just won't be forced to do things because I "should".

Dragon

When I was growing up we had to at least try the food. If we honestly hated it we didn't have to eat it. Mushrooms were always big enough for me to pick out and whatnot. But if we weren't forced to try something we wouldn't have and the majority of what we were forced to eat was actually pretty good (though we were to stubborn to admit it). I know for my parents it wasn't a power thing, it was a nessecity or else none of us would have eaten anything but Raisin bran and buttered noodles. The one exception I remember was a meal we had quite frequently that I hated. It was macaroni, ground beef and canned tomatoes. I hated it as a child but I think my mother just thought I was being stubborn. I'd sit there at the table stirring my casserole around until everyone was done theirs and had gone into the living room for TV, then I'd give mine to the dog and be in there with them in time for the opening credits. My mom told me later that she thought I ate my meal really quickly so I wouldn't miss out. She had no idea I was feeding it to the dog.

solo, I both commend you for your honesty as a kid and totally understand it. I would have been the one doing the same thing, though none of my friends were really trying to get booze underage so it wasn't something that came up.

marius

Ahhh solo, that is exactly it! If you don't care how you look to others, how they react, then you can set and meet your own boundaries. Duh! It sounds like you were always this way. Yes?

In some areas I'm exactly like that, don't give a fiddle. But, my upbringing created a severe case of hypervigilance (waiting for the next thing crazy Mom would do.) To relax, not be prepared, was worse than death. Well, Mom is in a nursing home and yoga helps with the relaxing so, I'm better with boundaries. It's a process. Thanks for talking about all of this.

And, I do agree that trying different foods is good. It seems to be like so many things - no black and white answers, just gray areas.

Dragon

So true marius. Child rearing has perhaps the most grey areas of all doesn't it. Who can really tell someone else how to raise their child, and what works brilliantly on some kids fails miserably on others even in the same family.
Hope your relaxing methods work well, I loved yoga when I was able to get to it, I'm thinking of finding a Belly-dancing class as I've heard they're a lot of fun and good for working off the ponch as well.

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The trouble with parenthood ... there's no training!

Dragon

The trouble with childhood... too much training!

solosater

I do hope this doesn't sound terribly rude and judgmental but I think the biggest trouble is a huge lack of "common" sense. I don't mean just in food choices but in all aspects of life.

In particular in child rearing. Haven't you seen parents allowing really stupid activities and then wondering why their kid ended up hooked on crack or pregnant at 16 or completely unprepared for the real world?

I saw parents twenty years ago allowing my peers to "date" like it was no big deal and kids at the age of twelve and thirteen dating seems to me now (and did then as well) like a really bad idea. When I was in the fifth grade I think, so eleven years old, a kid brought me a gold and diamond ring. He was a nice kid and it was kind of sweet but even then I thought it was on the crazy side. Ends up he stole his mother's wedding ring. Kids shouldn't even be thinking that way! It isn't cute that kids are "maturing" so fast it's scary!

Parents who give an allowance without requiring chores to be done and setting expectations of correct behavior raise kids who don't have a work ethic and expect something for nothing. Parents who allow their kids to self supervise scare me to death, I was a very mature kid and a very clear thinking one but I couldn't have been trusted to know better most days and even if I did couldn't be trusted to always make the right choice. And my peers? Oh no, I wouldn't have trusted them to keep themselves breathing. I hung around good kids, the nerds and geeks of my time. Still, they were kids just like any other kids, always willing to get into trouble and quite frankly I think smart kids and mature ones can get into a whole different and perhaps worse set of trouble than your average kids.

I think it is so funny (not!) when parents say "but my Sally is SOOO mature for her age." They seem to miss entirely that being mature "for her age" still means that she's not as mature as an adult person and lacks experience and shouldn't be left to make major decisions on her own. Parents are way to willing to let their children fend for themselves. My mother was alone with zero support and had to leave us to raise ourselves at times and I get that not every parent has a lot of choice in the matter but there are a good many who can do way better and just don't see the need.

I also find it terribly funny (again NOT!) when parents are so blind that they can actually utter those words, "Not my child!" I'm here to tell you that if another child is saying your child hit someone, bit someone, smoked something, kissed someone, gossiped, bullied or whatever, it's likely that it has happened. My mother would have been mostly right to think I wouldn't do something like that on the other hand not always and why not look into it just in case? What harm could there be in being sure? Can you not see that there could be real harm if you disregard it and you are wrong?

I'll likely rant some more on this but for now I'll let it go. Am I crazy though? I really just don't get it.

Dragon

You're not crazy at all solo. The thing that drives me crazy is that it seems nowadays like parents are afraid to discipline their children at all and the kids sense this (as kids are so good at doing) and then run rampant. I'm not talking about beating a child or anyone at all but a little spanking can go a long way. I can't tell you how many times, when I was working retail, I would hear a teen berate their parent to their face then demand money to buy something and mom would just take it. I once saw a woman in the mall give her son a spanking for throwing a tantrum. She just sort of put him over her knee and gave him a little swat on the backside, she didn't pull down his pants or anything, and it was just enough to say 'Enough of that, I'm not putting up with tantrum'. I wanted to give her a medal. Parents are so afraid now that someone's going to accuse them of child abuse that they let kids do whatever they want. I rather think that's a form a child abuse in itself because it hurts the child more in the long run than if they learn boundaries.

I also hate that it seems like all the dolls for little girls now look like Club girls and prostitutes. I've never been a big Barbie fan but while Barbie may have been unrealistically preportioned, but at least when I was a kid she was kind of wholesome.

Ok, there's my rant. I'll slope off into the corner now and settle down.

Robindcr8l

My little two cents on this topic: I grew up with a mentally ill brother who would have rather violent tantrums over seemingly nothing and in any venue. I am sure my mother felt the judgmental stares from customers/ patrons, etc., thinking her parenting skills sucked and "if that were my child I'd GIVE him something to cry about!" I am here to tell you that my parents tried EVERY possible approach with this child, went to many doctors, counselors, and other "experts" and none of it worked. If David was going to act out, he was going to act out, and the best you could hope for was to avoid injury.

So when I am out in public, and someone's child is having a tantrum, I never assume it's the parenting causing it. I allow that as a possibility, but also allow for the possibility that the child is overtired, or high-strung, or stressed out, or mentally ill, or a spoiled brat. You just never know.

My own son was prone (is that how you spell prone, cuz it doesn't look right to me?) to tantrums as a preschooler especially if we were out in a store and he wanted something and I said "no." When he would start to escalate, I would calmly take him by the hand and say, "Oh, if you're going to have a meltdown, you'll want to do it in the FRONT of the store, where EVERYONE can see you! Don't waste it here in the aisle." I would then guide him to the front of the store and pick out a very visible place and instruct him to continue his meltdown there! LOL, he would be so shocked that he would just stand there looking at me blankly! I only had to do that a few times and he quit with the public meltdowns. Of course, those behaviors were because he was a spoiled brat, not because he was mentally ill! LOL

There were times, though, mostly as a toddler, when he did have public meltdowns. If most parents are like me, they are mortified and very cognizant of how irritating and disruptive this is to others around them. They would do anything to prevent them or to stop them. The glares you get from people, again, you can hear their thoughts..."If that were MY kid!" I wanted sometimes to go to one of those judgmental glarers and scream, "Don't just glare at me! Offer me some advice, if your parenting skills are so much better! Really, I am open to ANY suggestion right now!"

So, my point is, I try not to be a glarer in life, and I try to give most parents the benefit of the doubt that they are doing the best they can with what they know, if only because that's what I'd like others to do for me in return.

solosater

I agree that as observers we cannot know what the whole story is and shouldn't judge. On the other hand, I see way too many parents with average, mostly mentally stable kids allowing bad behavior either out of fear as Dragon described or out of a complete lack of skill as parents.

I would never glare at people in public for not "controlling" their offspring's fit. It's the ones I see in their own homes who don't have the sense to discipline and I do mean discipline not beat (necessarily) or even punish but teaching correct behavior, teaching expectations, setting boundaries.

The Bible says, and I'll paraphrase, "Parents, do not be exasperating (another one says irritating) your children but go on bringing them up in discipline and mental regulation." This counsel was not meant to suggest that parents should allow their children to run rough shod over them or that they should be brainwashed but that parents should be regular and consistent with their children so that the children have limits and know them and expectations in behavior and consequences for not following the parents stated expectations.

Another scripture we may all know is the proverb, "Spare the rod, spoil the child." This one too is suggesting discipline that is used for teaching. The "rod" here wouldn't be a literal rod (or at least wouldn't have to be) but one like a shepherd would use to keep his flock in line, one to gently guide the child in the best direction for the benefit of the child and the whole family.

I really feel for parents with children that are very difficult but every parent has a hard time knowing what is best all the time. I just wish I didn't see so many basically giving up or giving in to the pressure at the expense of their childs future best interests.

I also know that as a single woman with no children many will feel I have no business speaking my mind about these issues. I do hope no one feels I am speaking out of turn.

solosater

Robin my very best friend would routinely act like she didn't even know her kids. She taught them well and they did know how to behave but if they were out in public and someone decided to "act up" she would disavow all knowledge of that kid. I know how that might sound but like your son they responded immediately! They wanted an audience and she took it away, why throw a fit if you are only embarrassing yourself?

FYI, she never took her eye off of them just acted like she didn't know them.

I was terrible as I'm not a good actor and would always ruin her game:-b

solosater

I know some of you do yoga for stress relief. Would someone give me some really basic info on yoga? In particular I want to know how long you would generally hold a posture. Second to that would be, in moving postures such as cat-cow (?) do you just move slowly between the postures or do you hold each for a time and if so how long? After that, is there any postures you would recommend for (1) correcting posture (2) back, shoulder and neck pain (3) stress relief?

I'm not terribly sure that I want to do the real thing but do need some good stretches.

I'm starting a new diet, actually one I was doing about a year and a half ago but couldn't keep up with when I got sick. I don't "diet" to lose weight or fat but to feel better, this diet is not a low fat or low carb type diet it is a way to eat so my body works more efficiently in turn helping me to feel better. I did this diet for six to eight months, before I got too sick to prepare food, and felt human and satisfied the whole time. I cannot wait to get back to that.

In addition to eating better I want to add some light exercise and stretching to my daily routine as well and as my body gets crazy sore from walking to get the mail I figured to do very low impact exercise, I know yoga is more than just stretches but you can't get much lower impact than yoga.

I understand and use mindfulness exercises and will be incorporating that into my routine which I believe will help with the yoga too.

I will be adding a daily walk (hopefully past the mailbox) as soon as I'm able, I believe the stretching will help me get there sooner.