giraffe

Wench, You don't question the TorchBearer on matters like this. I declared the wizard evil - past, present and future. One more sassy remark and I may declare you evil too. (wink)

giraffe

This must be a reaction to the Pope publically "forgiving" the Beatles for their satanic messages. Ringo Starr refuses to accept the forgiveness. That's one of the funniest scenarios I can imagine

marius

marius must live in a vacuum. Did not know the Beatles HAD satanic messages. Did not know the Pope forgave them. What a crazy life! And, marius is sure she has a bit of EVERY trait within. The Buddhists say we all do but the difference is some have learned NOT to water the seeds of anger, jealously, 'evil' etc, and let them to grow. Seems a good idea: we NEVER water the poison ivy in our yard and that has given nice results! : )

marius

406 words (All word list included) Thanks for the inspiration, Sir Giraffe! : )


Love

Poor old Furbufeffer! He was not an evil man. He was not! But ever since Sir d’Giraffe de la Heightiest had cast that spell, Furbufeffer had had the most horrid thoughts. It seemed that his past, present and future were locked into the most restrictive evil kind of living, the space where love has gone the way of dinosaur’s, become a memory of something grand and now forever lost.

In the early morning light, Furbufeffer was looking across the lovely and expansive lands below his hut. He could see the benevolent sun sending out the first rays of light, announcing her arrival. A tiny insect was buzzing against the window. Furbufeffer had a thought to squish that grossest of beings, so he used his training for temptations and averted his attentions back to the simmering pot.

He’d been working on a potion. It was made of fur of giraffe (just a few hairs), hot seeds from hahachu peppers, spit of frog, cold bit of frozen-toe lichen, a spring of un-thyme, and a few other ingredients best not disclosed. As he stirred the pot, the buzzing insect bounced against the window. It was not so hard to ignore the noisy little wings because Furbufeffer was a master wizard. He knew the laws of resistance and though Sir d’Giraffe was certainly talented, his time-casting spells might prove to be marginal.

Ah, it was ready. Furbufeffer stirred the pot once more and then dipped a cupful into his mug. A stick of cinnamon would be a nice touch. He added that and then drank the liquid in one gulp. As he sat waiting in his rocker, the insect lit upon his sleeve and the old wizard smiled at it.

He had been right: those who live outside of time can only be one thing, and that thing, is Love!

marius

oops ... 306 words.

Doug

Just about 12 over the word limit, but oh.....the wizard made me do it.

Living on the Margin

Perhaps it’s not best to describe my fate as a wizard has rendered me restricted to living within the confines of a notebook. I really don’t mind it too much. I’ve spent my whole life following the lines. As a young lad the benevolent wizard decided to cast a dastardly spell that bound me into a standard issue school notebook. It had lines with dots along the way. I would skip and jump every time I got to a line. At the end of a page I would have to claw my way onto the next page. Yeah, it did make me hot sometimes. In the summertime the books pages would trap the heat and the only cold I felt was when the fan would happen to blow my way. At least then I could jump a few pages ahead. Benevolent? It’s all I knew so how would I know how truly evil the wizard was. As I grew older and a tad wiser the lines got closer together and the dots just plain disappeared. Sometime I would come across a picture of a dinosaur or a large insect. Little did I know that the wizard put them there to try and kill me! I fought for my life. With one page I would fashion a paper sword with enough of a point that I could stab the beasts and kill them. It was gross wading thru the green goo that remained, but at least I could use that as ink. In my teenage years I drew wonderful pictures and wrote poems about paper airplanes. It seemed quite lovely to me. I grew too large for the margins so I would slither my way through the pages so I could keep my slender frame within the pages. Who knew what would happen if the expansive pages wouldn’t conceal me from the mad gaze of the wizard. I’ve now grown too old and too tired to fight the margins anymore. The beasts and traps the wizard has set for me have taken their toll. I know one thing though. I will have been killed in the “line” of duty.

Doug

marius: quite enjoyed your little "love" tale. I like the way the insect flowed along with the story. I'll admit though, I was mighty confused how a few hairs of giraffe could make something turn from evil to love. lol. Oops, guess I "k"issed off our host. Just kidding giraffe.....giraffe?.....oh no, not the wizard again!...arrrrrgggghhhh!!

giraffe

Well, Blimey! I've been exposed. And I just assumed that by casting so much blame, they'd never look at me. Remember the guy busted for running a child porn ring in Utah? He was the toughest advocate for stricter laws against it. I really thought I could pull this off. Blame it on Marius and those satanic Beatles.

giraffe

Doug, I don't remember doing that to you, but I've been known to black out when I run out of giraffe hair. "Killed in the line of duty" cracked me up, tho. Maybe I'm getting better. There's a new baby giraffe at the Denver Zoo. He's 2 weeks old and 6 feet tall. I'll get plenty of sanity from his fur.

giraffe

BTW, Butterneepers, Anything BETWEEN 250 and 350 is OK. I can't even count my own words so I'll take your word for your count.

marius

Doug, enjoyed "margin" very much. That was way cool, feeling the person, or being, moving through life in a notebook!

giraffe, thanks for the inspiration and sorry for exposure. Hope you've not run out of giraffe hair too often. : )

Dragon

hehehe, don't think I've ever seen a bald giraffe!

giraffe

SUNDAY FUNNIES

I have to admit I am marginally over-sexed. It started in elevators. When a lovely woman shifts her weight from one foot to the other, undoing the restrictive feel of her garments, I want to go wild. When a handsome man jiggles the keys in his pocket, I want a piece of that action too.

Nobody talks in elevators, but they sure give off hot signals. It's like an unspoken language for elevator riders only. Maybe it's the claustrophobia of confined spaces - knowing that the ride will only last for 20 seconds and then everybody goes different ways.

I love the benevolence of people who show their true selves to strangers in elevators. Without words, the woman on her way to a job interview gives me a sexy smile. The guy on his way home to wife and kids smiles and adjusts his underwear. Ding! First floor.

Maybe I'm the only one who notices this odd human behavior in elevators. I pray it's not just my imagination. Well here's the lobby and it's time to go make myself some dinner. Revolving doors are a total turn-on. It's like going through the final isolation before resuming your outside life and somebody is ogling your backside.

On the street they all look at me with amorous glances. On the bus they can hardly restrain themselves from reaching out to touch me. I don't care about their lust. Like some cold, gross insect, I move with the stealth of a dinosaur.

I'll soon be home with my beautiful wife, Pixie. It's amazing how quickly she expands with the new pump. We have a wonderful life and she knows I would never cheat on her even though they are constantly tempting me.

marius

[giraffe’s last story made me think of “Instant Gentleman” and that inspired this story. Word count – 680, Word List – the wizard wouldn’t let me use it.]


Pheromones and Other Things You Don’t Want to Think About

Have you ever wondered why the news is so dismal? Yes, there is the occasional story of generosity or marvel, but the bulk of most every newscast is the same. The part that cracks me up is tone of voice, it’s always urgent. All the newscaster use it and they dish it out with a kind of slick trickery that makes you think whatever they are saying is something you MUST know. That is the trademark feature, urgency disguised as importance.

There IS a difference. “Johnny, get down from the roof!” might be said with both urgency and importance, but is it neither urgent nor important for me to know most of what the news delivers. My question is this: since someone is murdered, assaulted or robbed just about every single day, and since there is nearly always a car wreck or house fire, and since it has been this way for thousands of years (okay, maybe not the car wrecks), why is any of that something I need to know? It is the SAME news.

Glenda says the news is designed to make you feel bad. I thought that was pretty funny and said, “That is precisely why I don’t watch it.”

Then she said, “You really don’t tune in, do you? What happens BETWEEN ... the ... news? Your salvation! It’s the plan. They make you think that you NEED to know about the recent horror. Then they go to a commercial where now that you feel bad, you will need to buy something to make you feel better. Sweetheart, welcome to the world of commerce and free trade.”

That is another thing I don’t understand, why advertising works. And, on the lowest levels too? Do people *really* buy cars because a beautiful woman is standing next to one in a commercial? Research says they do.

I remember my economics teacher saying capitalism has one idea: to part you from your money. That made me shiver and then as I began to watch this plan in action, it made me laugh. Ever since that class I’ve been very aware of this plan to ‘take my money’ and it is a rare day when I come home with things I don’t really want or need. It isn’t stinginess or frugality either. I’ll splurge when the checkbook allows and when it’s something I really want. It’s just that I don’t like to think people have gotten my money without my full awareness and consent.

That is why I never go to casinos. I have no particular feelings for or against them except for their use of pheromones. Public television did a special about that and it still makes me giggle – the extent to which people will go to get your money. The casinos hired scientists to discover which pheromones attract people the most. Then, these pheromones, which you cannot detect anymore than you can ‘hear’ a dog whistle, are sprayed? (I’m not sure how they apply them) on the slot machines the casino wants you to use the most.

My mother said I should not think about things like this and that I definitely should not talk to other people about these ideas because it makes them uncomfortable. I’ve thought about that and my question is, “Why wouldn’t people want to know they are being manipulated?”
Mom wouldn’t answer that question, so you can see it’s a good thing SHE never knew about pheromone perfumes and colognes.

According to internet stories, men who used “Instant Gentleman” got banned from Casinos. So yeah, I’m thinking the stuff works. Reports say that pheromone perfumes and colognes will cause people to feel more comfortable around you and the implication is that this will enable you to manipulate them.

I’m thinking Mom was right. I really *didn’t* want to know that my affections, or my actions, might be caused by something people spray on themselves. I’m going to cancel taking the paper first thing tomorrow morning!

Then I’m going to order some pheromone perfumes. Maybe I can get John to pick up after himself!

marius

Drat ... was going to mention FIRST that "Instant Gentleman" is a cologne.

Below is a link about pheromone sprays. Guess magic potions are no longer in the hands of wizards ... or maybe wizards have gone commercial?

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/Health/story?id=1386825

Dragon

giraffe, loved that one, didn't see the blow up doll coming (though I suppose I should have) I'm sure Doug will be impressed.

marius, very interesting take on commerce, never thought of it that way before. I did know about the tricks casinos use though, they'll go to any lengths to keep you gambling. Did you know casinos never have windows or clocks? And that the sounds slot machines makes are all on the 3 notes (C, G and E I think) that have been proved to be most pleasing to human ears. I've also heard that they pump extra oxygen in to keep people feeling awake but I saw something else that said that's a pile of bs, who knows.

giraffe

M. First time I watched Wizard of Oz with daughter, it was interrupted 2 times to bring us "breaking news" about something irrelevant but scary. I get your drift. As a kid, they did the 10:00 news only. Now it's 24/7.
Pheremones? That WAS my idea and I collect the royalties. Our next move will be to spray it on elected officials so they start liking each other - and more important - US. Neat story.

giraffe

Dragon. Thanks. What I'm going for is things people imagine to be real. Not about porn at all. Fantasies are OK. That's why we all write. But the quest for bad news is deteriorating. I think we all agree on that.

giraffe

FINANCE

They boosted my ego so high, I bought the property. I strutted around like a rich pig. They assured me that the upswing in stocks would raise my financial status and I could afford the higher payments in 2 years. I was on Cloud 9. I spent like a drunken sailor and maxed out my credit cards. I was so popular and loved, everyone wanted to be around me. I didn't even need the "Instant Gentleman" spray any more.

Then I saw the property. It was a field of weeds with a lot of plastic debris including Coke bottles, old dolls, toys, trikes and party favors. I had bought a field of nothing but other peoples' lost dreams. And the payments were going up in 2 years.

I went home and told my wife what happened. She grabbed up the kids and left me. I guess since I was broke, it was better for her to go back home. At least I still have my buddies at the Bar. I live out of a shopping cart and curse myself for making such an arrogant purchase. It seems all of the delusions that were sold to me ruined me.

I'm still pretty cute when I push around my shopping cart. Sometimes people stop and give me 50 cents or a dollar. I'm still a stud.

marius

Alright, giraffe, you can have the royalties for your pheromone idea. Tee hee about 'Finance.' Think the guy should have kept using "Instant Gentleman!" : )