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So glad you broke through the writer's block, midnightpoet. You writing has oodles of atmosphere and leaves me wanting more ...

Hazer

Something startled me into consciousness, but what it was I couldn’t say. My mind seemed sluggish, as if I was awakened from a deep sleep, not yet fully aware of my surroundings. Part of me clung to the silence of the darkness from which I was emerging.
A vague feeling of chagrin pushed its way into my awareness as I squinted against the glitter of a thousand tiny lights dancing across my closed eyelids. It was Michael, of course. Again I saw the anxious look on his handsome face as I sped away. He didn’t understand,and at the moment I didn’t care. I would make it up to him later.
I knew Daddy was planning something. Poor Daddy, he seemed so pensive ever since Mother passed away. But today he had a sparkle in his eye as he told me to shut my eyes and hold out my hand. I couldn’t help the little gasp of surprise as he folded my fingers over the remote starter. Could it be my dream car? I ran to the window and there it was! A beautiful cobalt blue Scorpion! The one Michael said we would never be able to afford on our shoelace budget…or was it shoestring, I could never remember.
Daddy had warned me that with Michael’s chosen career there would never bring a pot of gold at the end of my rainbow.
Michael had refused to come along. Why couldn’t he just be happy for me? After all, it is my birthday; I deserved to be spoiled a bit. If he wanted to stay behind and pout that was his choice. He’d get over it eventually. Guys!

I don’t plan on letting his attitude crush my spirits. Today is my day and besides, if I know Michael, he will have a house full of people waiting at the house when I get home.
But something is terribly wrong… why can't I move?
I didn’t mean to crash it Daddy...sorry....Michael....

mdawrcn

Good job Hazer! I didn't know you wrote. I enjoyed that.

Hazer

Thanks, mdawrcn! This is my literary debut, inspired by the need to have something to do at 2 a.m. when sleep evades me.
My initial reaction to this challenge was to just declare chelydra the undisputed winner and walk away, but then midnightpoet and marg entered wonderful stories as well, so I decided to try my hand at it as well. It was fun.

chelydra

good decision
welcome aboard
fine little story but now you have go back and squeeze in a rainbow
maybe it'll fit among those dancing lights inside your eyelids

chelydra

'fine little story' looks kinda condescending but actually it is, and the ending really threw me, just like it should

mdawrcn

"Daddy had warned me that with Michael’s chosen career there would never bring a pot of gold at the end of my rainbow."

Sentence may not be exactly right, but it includes rainbow.

chelydra

sho nuff! it fit in so seamlessly i couldnt see it even when i went back and looked.

Hazer

Thanks for pointing that out, mdawrcn. I don't know where the there in that sentence came from. It seems my editing skills were suffering in the wee hours of the morning.

Chelydra, I'm still laughing over you writing a letter to the council about the trees while poor Elizabeth commits suicide by scorpion sting. I'm glad you took the time to polish her up a bit...I'm sure she would have appreciated that.

chelydra

If you read it carefully, you'll see he was just THINKING about the polishing. A world of difference. Just like he's still trying intending to finish the letter she distracted him from. Just I'm here writing this note while my one and only remaining illustration client is going out her mind wondering where her picture is right now. I barely had to make anything up... But in case you're wondering (and before you get too alarmed), none of my wives has ever darned a sock so far as I know.

chelydra

typos proliferating here too but i guess you can make sense of it still

Hazer

Yes, I see. I stand corrected. I'm sure your client will be thrilled with her picture when she does get it.
Hazer has never darned a sock in her life, either. That was a well guarded secret from my mother-in-law who made several painstaking attempts to show me how it was done.

I 'm thinking that my story might make more sense had I not removed several of the original sentences to make room for some kind of ending. Is it mandatory to stick to the exact number of words?

chelydra

I think there would be one set of rules (rigid) for stories eligible to win, and another set of rules (no rules) for anything else.

midnightpoet

Wow, guys! What great responses to return to!

Marg! Murder and suspense and a well written setting...let me wanting to know oh so much more.

And welcome to ThinkWrite, Hazer - what a wonderful debut! There's such character in your writing, and I found it very believable from the beginning to the surprise ending.

As for the question about is it mandatory to stick to the exact number of words, the answer is: Yes! It is a rigid rule and exact word count...

HOWEVER! Many writers throughout ThinkWrite history (myself included) have "bucked the system" because they wrote a story that grabbed them in such a way they couldn't stick to the word count without ruining their story...and, I assure you, there was no punishment for such treason.

So, in summary: The rule for the word count is very strict, but there is no punishment for breaking it, so don't let it stifle you.

If you find you have time, take a minute to look through old ThinkWrite threads, because there has been much discussion in the past related to the word count.

marg

Wowee, Hazer.. what a beaut contribution !

I am SOOOOO inclined to respond to chelydra's comments with a bespoke TW, but I'll actually ask Login to help me out here..

..c'mon buddy, you're better at this than I am - write me a sleezy, pool hall part and I'll sashay in and swipe the golden cue award ! .. or Matthew might be able to help out here.. ?

..or there's always Ron ?

midnightpoet

Couple more days left, guys. Get writing!

ladyhwin

I've been insanely busy the last two weeks, but want to get something written and entered yet this weekend before the deadline!

Loving the contributions!!

midnightpoet

I will pass the torch in the morning - so far it's between Chelydra, Marg, and Hazer - will any more appear during the night, brought to us by little elves, perhaps?

chelydra

I couldn’t believe my eyes —I’d dreamt of this moment from the day I read about the last verified sighting of a rainbow scorpion, on the Gaspé Peninsula — at noon on 27 November 1935, on the icy steps of the general store in downtown Murdochville — and that one was just about frozen to death, its rich colors sadly faded.


Since Wikipedia seems to be our authority for everything these days, I guess you won't believe me when I tell you Gaspé is exactly what it appears to be, the Quebecois past tense/adajectival of Gasp... The Gaspers seem to have concocted some nonsense about how their name derives from the Basque Gerizpe, probably hoping the few tourists won't notice the peculiar local habit of beginning and ending every sentence with a sharp gasp of breath (undoubtedly a vestige of the Albigensian accent of their forbears).

midnightpoet

very cute Chelydra!