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I'm at least five hours ahead of you and will be asleep before you are all gathered, but have a lovely evening ... and I'll call in tomorrow.

Before I go, I'll tell you about my remaining family:
I think life consists mainly of one-sided relationships between siblings. My younger sister stays in touch but always behaves as my superior (I will still be the big sister when the chips are down).

I had one elder brother, but he died about five years ago. My remaining three brothers (all younger than me) are aloof ... they appreciate that I remember their birthdays, etc., but never, ever remember mine. I visit them about once a year but it's always been a one way thing ... until this week!!

The three of them travelled down country to visit me! The journey, that should have taken about three hours, took five hours ... all three of them were navigating and couldn't agree on directions!

The youngest brother behaved much as my sister does ... superior but pleasant enough. The middle brother brought an album of old photographs of the family, together with a selection of his tastes in music (which turned out to be very close to my own tastes) and downloaded them onto the computer for me . The oldest of the three chatted to me about when we were children and the places we had lived. He and I are closest in age, and spent our childhood together ... climbing trees, building assault courses in the woods, learning to swim in the (then crystal clear) river, scrumping, observing wildlife, etc. It turned out to be a very pleasant day ... far from one-sided, despite the fact that we all have very differing opinions on everything.

There's a lot to be said for living in the south west, surrounded by beautiful countryside. We have had more visitors this year than ever before ... and I'm really enjoying it.

Baldur

Ovadora recently adopted an adult longhaired cat.
We were warned that 'Zsa Zsa' was not friendly to most people and to expect hissing and growling. Zsa Zsa however was quite a pussycat.

It seems my sister was quite uncertain how the cat would handle this vacation. She was adopted only a few months ago and handled the transition to Casa Ovadora quite badly. Basically she hid for the first week only coming out to eat and use the litter box when there were no witnesses.

Baldur

Once arriving at the summer rental cottage however Zsa Zsa made herself right at home.
There were large sunny windows with flocks of seagulls very close at hand. There was also a nesting family of sparrows under the roof eaves.
Zsa Zsa could lay on the floor and see the small birds coming and going. These small birds were almost her undoing.

The cottage was quite small and rather rustic. A small storage loft formed the ceiling over the kitchen and bathroom, the rest of the cottage interior was open to the roof.
Zsa Zsa quickly learned that there was a set of bunk beds not far below the storage loft. If she jumped onto the lower mattress, then scrambled onto the upper one she would be just one small leap from the attic. In her kitty cat mind that is where the sparrows were.

Baldur

Actually the sparrows were not indoors at all, perhaps Zsa Zsa's grasp of architectural framing did not include that possibility. She managed to get herself up into the loft.

Now if you recall from yesterday, Ovadora, Robert and myself were seated out on the enclosed porch. Baldur was facing the interior window, the one that showed into part of the living area of the cottage.
We were sitting there engaged in smalltalk.
Suddenly a large ball of fur fell with a shriek from somewhere near the ceiling directly on the 'inside' of the window. This was coupled with a frenzy of paws grasping at the window's mini blinds.
Zsa Zsa dropped like a rock and flew under the nearest piece of furniture, which happened to be a chest of drawers.

Baldur

We of course raced into the room.
Looking up there was the mast and furled sail of a small seafaring vessel, stashed up in the rafters for storage.
Apparently Zsa Zsa was walking across this like a gangplank when the incident occurent. Her previous family had had her declawed making it a slippery proposition.
Zsa Zsa of course was perfectly fine.

Baldur

While we were trying to recreate the event in our heads she left her hiding place and settled onto the upholstered love seat out on the porch. She assumed the 'I've been here all along' attitude.

Ovadora was trying to find a way to prevent her from getting up into the loft again, but just a cursory inspection showed at least a half dozen ways a resourceful cat could manage the feat.

Baldur

The sparrows remained unphased by the incident.

Luna

What a great story. Luna loves cat stories (even though I'm being a Maserati today).

Baldur

-occurrent +occured

Baldur

'All Baldur, All the Time'

I just cannot believe this. My new issue of 'Victoria' arrived in the afternoon mail on Friday and Baldur has just now remembered about it.
It has sat here at Chez Baldur UNREAD for two whole days.
On top of it all this is the special British edition.
Shame on Baldur.

solosater

This is just a point directed toward Robindcr8l (or more correctly her badly mistaken brother); Jacob bought the birthright from Esau he didn’t steal it.

Jacob saw it as important, knew its worth but Esau let it go for the price of a bowl of lentil soup as he didn’t take seriously the responsibility and privilege he’d been given.

If God was displeased greatly by this He apparently was appeased as He later called Jacob by the name Israel and named His chosen people after him…

I’m glad you didn’t go with Esau but Jacob is a beautiful name.

solosater

On the family front:

I only have the one brother and we're both in our early 30s (he's 16 months older than me) living in the same city we grew up in. I only see him when he needs something, I've been taking care of him from day one but that all ended a couple of years ago when I finally realized that he could be seriously damaging to me. He's a user and an abuser and has no respect for anyone and I believe no love either.

My mother will call me sometimes to ask if I can give him a ride here or there or if I can help him with some paperwork or whatever she's to tired or busy to do for him and I have to say no to her too. This causes great tension between us but she' keeps putting up with his bad behavior and I refuse to.

I'm glad I figured it out relatively early and though I do wish my mother would not think of me as hateful and mean in those times, that's on her and I try to remember he's her son and she loves him.

I love him too but not over my own well-being or sanity.

marius

Solosater - beautifully said!

And, am I the only one who "remembers" being at the Chez Baldur story-telling last night? Yes, I was asleep in one realm... but in *another realm* I swear the reason Luna and Login missed the chocolates is because I ate it all. And, don't I remember you picking lint off my sweater?

marius

And I meant your story of Jacob is beautifully said. Although, so is your story of your brother!

marius

And as for your brother, Solosater, it sounds like you are good at setting boundaries. Took me forever to learn to do that. One year it was just a brother and me for Xmas eve. I had a great dinner ready to go but this brother was being so hateful and obnoxious I made him leave. As he suffers from paranoid schizophernia, I felt terrible making him leave on Christmas eve but, guess what! He learned. I've never had to kick him out of my house since. Of course, it's still not easy going but then - his kind of illness has nothing easy about it.

marius

And before I sign off Baldur Radio - I'd like to thank our host! The range and depth of subject matter on BR is quite amazing. There is depth, levity, education and such an interesting assortment of guests! I thank them all too! NPR had better watch out cause I'm enjoying BR far more than any other station and I'm probably not the only one! : )

solosater

My brother is a drug addict as well as having severe depression and manic-depression, I believe he's got more issues as well but anytime someone gets close to giving a true diagnosis of his mental health he leaves. I know he suffers from paranoia but am not sure of the schizophrenia though I believe it is a part of his problem too.

My brother doesn't recognize other peoples boundaries at all. I think that if there was a united front (if my mother would put her foot down with him or at the very least not try to pull me in on his behalf) he could be persuaded to toe the line as it would benefit him to do so and he's very good at getting his needs met. Unfortunately my mother is willing to meet his needs without him having to treat her or her home or friends and family with respect, so why would he?

The really funny thing about the whole mess is that when I was maybe 14 or so my mother took an assertiveness training course and I as a curious teenager looked at the workbooks and assignments she brought home with her. I can't say she learned a thing (in fact I'm sure she became more passive aggressive) but I know that is why I am able to live with some of the most co-dependent people I've ever met and still have and defend my boundaries. It just made sense to me, though I am what I like to call assertive aggressive as when you live in a family like mine assertiveness doesn't always do the trick.

It makes them all a little mad some times when I just keep saying "no", "no" , "no", "no". Eventually they get tired and go away, I generally break down and have a good cry at that point but they don't know that and so long as they don't know they can't use it against me.

Robindcr8l

Marius, I too have a brother with schizophrenia, although he i not the alcoholic depressive that I spoke of earlier. I am still very selective who I tell about him, not because of any embarrassment, but because I find that unless people have personal experience with mental illness, they tend to judge how a family learns to handle that mental illness. I was the only one in my family who gave my brother boundaries, then firmly stuck to them with him, and, like you, found that I had the fewest challenges with him. He still tested sometimes, though, and I consistently followed through with consequences.

My family has taught me some of my most important lessons in life. From my dad dying young and leaving my mother scared senseless at the prospect of raising her children on her own with no marketable skills to support us, I learned my independence and self-reliance. I started earning my own money at age 11, and put myself through nursing school to ensure that I would never need to be supported by someone else.

From my mom and dad dying lengthy suffering deaths, I learned that it is much easier to miss someone than it is to watch them suffer.

And from my mentally ill brother I learned that sometimes you just can't save someone else, so you just have to do whatever it takes to save yourself. Sounds like you understand that one, solo.

Now, off the deep topics, and onto the Chez Baldur critique... Loved the kitty story! Although, I suspect that cat's look wasn't an "I've been here all along attitude" but much more likely an "I MEANT to do that" attitude, as if he were an acrobatic kitty! I've learned that same attitude to cover my clumsiness, and I will credit that lesson to the cats in my life!


We certainly do have a motley crew in here, and I like it! Now, back to work, like I should be doing right now. Luckily, Sundays are typically quiet, and low-drama around here. That's my preference!

solosater

Baldur, what have you been up to that would cause you to forget "Victoria"? You'd better buckle down or you'll get backed up and the new and fresh Victorian ideas will be lost in the shuffle.

That was a little joke about the new and fresh Victorian ideas btw, just fyi. I love Victorian but I had to let it go when I started decorating my studio, it is just too small to hold my furniture.

I'm down to just my very favorite piece, a channel back chair my father brought me from Indiana a year before he died. It’s beautiful but needs recovering, I’ve got the fabric but don’t trust myself for this project so I’m waiting ‘til I can afford to have a pro do it.

My mother inherited my sideboard and sewing machine cabinet so I do get to visit with them often but the bed is going to waste as no one wants to pay for the special order size, it’s a double (between a full and a twin) and really needs a new mattress & box spring.

I keep thinking I’ll come up with some idea to use the headboard on my wall or as a divider or some such but I just can’t see it now.

I have a storm window I brought back from Vermont with me that I’m using next to my stove as a divider between the living area and the kitchen. It’s all pealing paint in several layers of color (I’ve lightly sanded and done a matte clear coat on it so it doesn’t shed). It hangs from the ceiling from hooks on copper plumber’s tape that runs down the sides. I love it.

Everyone in Vermont thought I was off my rocker when I bubble wrapped it and put it very carefully on the truck with all my furniture and my father threatened to leave it on the side of the road at every stop we made between VT and AZ but when I showed my mother she asked me if I could be persuaded to part with it or if there were perhaps any more where I found this one. I guess I get my decorating sense from her. Thank God it’s not from my father (of the bordello styled school bus)!

I also collect the old (really old) glass bottles and jars so I get my bit of “Cottage” style but it goes very eclectic after that.

Baldur

Baldur has a couple older bottles that I dug up while gardening. They are reminiscent of hip flasks, being flat and roughly rectangular.
After cleaning them up as well as possible there were what looked like calcium deposits still inside.
Baldur filled them with vinegar to dissolve whatever it was, added a couple drops of green food color to each and corked them.
They have been sitting in my bathroom ever since looking very decorative