Qsilv

giraffe - haven't checked word count, but I don't care; the first five paragraphs had me spellbound. Still have.

doug - it's murder/suicide to leave quick notes (er.. like I'm doing.. oops) when you're stressed. Decently thoughtful apology tho. I hope that house-purchase is working out for you and yours... been there, done that (*wicked grin) so I know it's exhausting under the best of situations.

morshy - it really was an inappropriate and ill-deserved crack, and fwiw your story did work well for me. Most of your writing does.

Doug

Ok giraffe let me be succint about your latest non-competitional story "Astral". I loved it. What a ride. It was much more than a plain trip through space, rather an involved look at dreams and the way our minds work. I think you even through in there some of the feelings going around ThinkWrite at the present. Good Job! I want to see more. Good use of quixmickle to boot!

Doug

Q...thanks for brow beating (lol). I deserve it. Now what if Ron (the punisher) had written the same critique?

The house is doing fine. Ran my scooter out there this a.m. after work. This is my last night of work then its vacation time and moving time. Gotta get some yard work done on the house and some cleaning before the "big" move next weekend.

Dragon

Alrighty, finally got some time to write. Here's what I've got, I'm not sure if I'm really happy with it but the first line kinda got into my head and I had to follow it. 318 including the title.


Vicious Circle

She looked upon his sleeping form and ran a soft hand along his naked back enjoying this rare, quiet moment of peace. They shared a passionate relationship but she was unsure if that was actually a good thing. Most of the time it seemed like they fought, sometimes screaming, sometimes trying logic like two contestants in a debate. Usually it was a battle, a constant battery of angry words and the occasional flying piece of crockery flung between them. Oh but the making up... that was what kept them together. It seemed like all the passion of their arguments was increased tenfold in the passion of their bodies. She began to wonder if they were looking for arguments to have just to get to the bedroom and the embrace of those purple sheets. Those sheets themselves had even started an argument. Seriously, she thought, who argues over the thread count of their sheets?! Quite a quixmickle you’ve gotten yourself into, she said to herself. A single tear rolled down her cheek, then another as she realized what she had to do. By the time her bag was packed the tears were flowing freely if silently. She didn’t want to wake him, if he saw her suitcases his anger would hit the stratosphere and then they’d simply end up fighting again. And making up again. A vicious circle she was determined to break free of this time. Walking out the door was hard. Getting in the car not much easier. By the time she reached the end of the street her tears had subsided and by the time she reached the outskirts of the city she was actually humming a pleasant little tune to herself. She didn’t know where she was going except away from the house of screaming but it felt good. Maybe she could reinvent herself and find a man of peace and quiet. Maybe...

Dragon

Oh and I think if Ron had made the same comment Morshy would have been just as upset but I'm not sure Ron would have apologized.

midnightpoet

Morsy...I, like Doug, found your story to be unoriginal...but I don't think that makes it bad. Nothing's truly unique anymore. It's all been done before. What made it good is the compelling way you told it. The concept is something I've read before, but I was still quite drawn in when reading your story because of the way you wrote it. The writing is always more important than the story, in my opinion.

giraffe

Thanks, Doug. I work overnight and when things get slow, I'd rather be doing this than political blogs - boring. That's why I find more time for this than most have. Sometimes I feel like I'm writing too much, but WTF.

Qsilv

Doug - you operate under a different umbrella of responsibility. I know... no fair, huh. ;>

giraffe

Dragon. It's not your best work (in my mind) but it still hits you in the old solar plexus. It's sad and also uplifting. I wanted to know what tune she was humming. You are right about writing things down to get it out of your system. Not every thought is gonna be brilliant, but if you don't put them out there, the brilliant ones never come.

giraffe

Thanks Qsilv BTW. I thought of it as a toss off because the ideas came from a book called "Journeys Out of the Body" by Robert Monroe about astral projection. I'm glad you got it.

anotherronism

Is this all words? In a single sentence?
Hmmm....
I am so bored right now.
The constant between simple quiet and peace lies in the purple stratosphere, the quixmickle of one contestant versus the battery of another, fighting it out above the earth.

anotherronism

And again with the keyboard. Yawn.

giraffe

And Doug, I love you man, but a critique should be more than saying "That was shitty. Do better next time." A negative criticism needs to be backed up with some constructive criticism or at least a reason for trashing them.
Is it the Alpha Male thing?

giraffe

Hey, anotherron. Where's your story?

anotherronism

I am purplexed by quixmickle. I managed one but no one commented. It's one-and-done with me and fake words. I got nothin.

anotherronism

Does this iteration of TW ever end? Can we get another list?

giraffe

Mrsjesus was reprimanded for not following anotherronism's rules. He doesn't even participate any more. Morshy was scolded for not being unique enough. I need a definition of the Torchbearer. Is it the God of Creativity? Is it the God of anotherronism? I'm getting confused. People are leaving this forum faster that people are joining in. We're down to just a few. What's wrong with this picture?

giraffe

Ron, mrsjesus wrote a great story with his OWN list. You should feel free to do that too.

marius

Catching up from marius, "the ancient one," decidedly female ... (wink). Tee hee, makes me recall grandson age 9 asking what it was like to be "so old." Hahaha, it's GREAT!

Doug- The Single Bulb - Like it. Fun! Found this delicious "...A warp in the wobble of his dimension distracted him."

giraffe - agree with Qsilv. Stay here and rebel. Sorry Mother's Day is still traumatic for you. marius had trouble with that day for many years. It's better now, but, um ... here's story I wrote on Mother's Day, and warning to sensitive souls: this is NOT the mother people celebrate. Also not a true story, but yeah, Mom was like this. Mental illness is a cruel beast. [Oh, and no word count or list.] : )



Mother’s Day

“Don’t touch that!” she shrieked.

The girl jerked back as the words slapped her face. “I thought you wanted me to set the table,” she whispered.

“If I wanted you to set the table, you’d know it!”

The girl wasn’t sure what to do. Anything was dangerous. She simply stood and waited. The mother bustled about putting dinner together. Brussels sprouts mingled with the odor of baked spam and cloves. The dog whimpered to go out. The girl could do *that.* She opened the door and the spaniel leapt into the yard.

“I thought I told you to set the table!”

The girl flinched and froze with wide eyes. The mother was tapping her foot impatiently. She was getting that wild look. The girl was trying to figure out what to do. “WHY are you standing there? Oh, I forgot,” the woman said with venom spitting from her very soul. “Once upon a time there was a little girl. When she was good, oh she was very, very good but when she was bad ... SHE ... WAS ... ... ... HORRID!!! Why do you think no one wants to play with you?”

That was the first time the girl had heard that. She didn’t know other children didn’t want to play with her. She was confused. Jane and Jimmy played with her, but did they like her? She didn’t know anymore.


“Oh, my, you’ve set such a pretty table,” the mother laughed. “What a delightful daughter you are! It’s too bad I have to have you set the table. Your older sisters are hopeless. Janet is stupid and Sally is almost ugly. I am SO lucky to have you.”

The girl beamed. She’d been wrong. Her mother DID like her. That was when she felt the slap that introduced her cheek to edge of table.

“I TOLD you we use matching napkins. Do you see those two? They are NOT folded the same. Such a useless child. There now, don’t cry. You can’t help it. You’ll always be one of those people no one wants. Come on; let’s get some ice on that.”

When they were eating dinner, Sally asked how her sister got that bruise. The mother said, “Oh you know how it is when you are four. You run into things.”

The four year old sat staring at the enormous pile of Brussels sprouts on her plate. She didn’t know four year olds ran into things. She was trying to remember what she had run into. Why couldn’t she remember? She must be stupid because she hadn’t even known that Jane and Jimmy didn’t like her. She was trying not to cry because of the sprouts. They always made her throw up. Then she’d be in trouble. It was a sin to throw up. Her mother did not like it and neither did God.

marius

giraffe - Peace Class - Playful look at peace, greed ... want to attend that truth seminar. ; ) And, "Going Astral" - am with Qsilv 150% on this. Spellbound for sure. Probably one of my favorites of all of yours.

mouse (post 53) - um, marius does not want to be Top Dog. However, if marius WAS Top Dog she would add to the smoking ban, a ban on crabby people in public. It is no fun dining out next to unhappy folk! Probably took four hours off my life last night! Probably affected my lungs and heart too! : )

mrsjesus - Very well done. Love and admire Opal and son! And, personally, I have no interest in seeing you use the current TW list. Just enjoy the offerings you share with us. Very much!

giraffe - The Trial. Made me smile AND wince. All too real in this wacky world.

midnightpoet - Love "no-title." Tee hee, "slightly purple." Do you really have a walking compulsion? Enjoyed feel of this story.

anotherronism - Burke - It is interesting. I didn't 'get' it, but then, there's a lot I don't get. : ) Like the "mommy and purple" visual and felt it too. And LOL the comment, "I am purplexed by quixmickle." ...... Um ...., erm , marius the contrarious asks: aren't ALL words made up? Can recall people using word 'humongous' in high school and being chided that the word was 'made up.' Tee hee - now it's in the dictionary so does that mean that now it is NOT made up? Also you wrote, "I am so bored right now," and I found that very interesting. Boredom is a fascinating thing to ponder. Yes?

Dragon - Vicious Circle - Like it much. Was surprised she decided to leave. Enjoyed description, "house of screaming" ... how it boiled down to just that. Maybe that view is what allowed her to leave.

Doug, dear Doug! What a curious TW this seems to be: emotions all over the place. I applaud you and thank you. I thank you for not being perfect (perfection is over-rated: flaws are what makes my world sing), for gracious apology and for leading us along while you wrestle the intricacies of home-buying. Wishing you and family many years of peace, love and comfort in your new abode!