polenta

When I speak about a wedding here I should have said, a first wedding when parents can afford one, etc. Of course if you get married for a second time (though this depends too), or you don't have enough money.... that's another story!!! However, I would say many people make an effort when it's a wedding.
A niece of mine got married that way and unfortunately she separated only one year after. A big reception is NO GUARANTEE, no way to happiness. I think parents some years ago thought that they would make the effort because it was once in a lifetime event... and they still do. But experience is teaching us more and more than like my niece it's NOT ONCE IN A LIFETIME EVENT. Apart from that, I have to tell you that most young couples are living together without getting married, at least as a trial period before their wedding. I don't think this happened twenty years ago!
I very much like what marius said about sending out the other guest's bios. Of course I definitely agree that when people get together the IDEAL NUMBER of people to interact is between ten and twenty. A wedding as I described is not a place to interact... it's something else.... and it's also an industry that gives jobs to waiters, cooks, DJs, florists, wedding planners, etc. The two kinds of parties could co-exist and it's for the bride and groom to choose. I just wanted to describe what happens here. What tortures me is , and your answers all agree (be it small or big) that the party or ceremony starts ON TIME. Well, here it doesn't.

Dragon

I think we (at least in Canada) are starting to get away from the parents paying for the whole wedding. Most of my friends paid for their own with some help from their folks but didn't expect mom and dad to shell out for everything. The one couple I know whose parents did pay for the majority regretted it because they felt they had to take the parents suggestions on everything, after all they're paying for it, they should have a say. So they ended up with a wedding in a place that wasn't close to their first choice and had to invite people they didn't want to because the parents said 'You can't not invite my brother, never mind that you've never met him.'
They also had quite the argument over the invitations. They wanted to put their parents names on, you know 'Bob and Mary Smith and John and Sue Jones invite you to the wedding of their children...' etc. The problem was the grooms father was remarried and his new wife insisted being on the invitations as well. The grooms step-mother was not a part of his life at all and made no bones of the fact that she hated the bride, yet she still expected to be treated as a mother when it came to the invitations. Quite a fight ensued and the end result was that they didn't include parents names at all on the invites. After all that whining the step-mother didn't even come to the wedding at all.
It opened my eyes to way a wedding can really make the crazy come out in a family.

I'd like to do what my sister did. She and her hubby went to Maui and had their ceremony on the beach with about 6 family members. Before they went they had the reception, actually they said 'We're not doing a reception, if you guys want to do something it's up to you' and both sets of parents set up a lovely reception for family and friends. It took all the stress off my sister and her fella and they got a nice party too! That's the way to go.

polenta

In fact the story of the stepmother who wanted to be "important" when it came to the wedding but not even had a good relationship with the bride reminds me of the FAMILY REALITY nowadays. Of course we are dealing with NEW FAMILIES. We don't have mother, father, daughter and son any more. I think you call it a NUCLEAR FAMILY. This is disappearing. And instead of it we have stepparents and stepsiblings etc, etc, etc. Well, invitations must show all this new family structure. I think I raised an issue that is gradually disappearing.....
Another thing would be WHO INVITES. It's ideal for the bride and groom to invite and this is possible if they pay for it. If they don't foot the bill, it's more likely that their parents have a lot to say about the details. Of course if people get married at 30 they might have their economic independence, but younger people could still not be so independent.
All this raises lots of questions but it has been very interesting for me. I took too many things for granted.

polenta

After all, how much is a wedding?

polenta

sorry, I should've said "good relationship with the GROOM"

Login

Well, I think we could start a whole new thread on noise, tinitus, flashing lights, etc., so I'll leave that subject for another time and place.

Marius, your wedding sounds just about perfect to me. If I was going to get married again (I'm not ... our jack wouldn't let me) I'd do it just like you did it.

UK weddings are much the same as USA weddings. However, in recent years there has been a tendency for couples to go abroad to get married ... tough on the guests who can't afford the travel costs. Personally, I think it's a bit daft to expect guests to travel hundreds of miles further than is necessary.

'Living together' (and not marrying) is far less frowned upon these days ... I would guess that 50% of young couples are not married. On the other hand, couples splitting up is becoming far more common ... that becomes problematic when there are children involved.

Dragon

I've known some people who wanted to have a wedding abroad so they could keep the guestlist smaller. The idea being not as many people can afford to go so it will stay more managable. The problem is, the people who can afford to get there aren't always the people you really want to be there. I'd very much like a small wedding but with 6 sisters and a brother just on my side I think I'm going to end up with a big one whether I want it or not!

marius

Polenta - I laughed when I read you are "tortured" when weddings don't start on time! I laughed because I would be tortured too. I want things to start ON TIME! Am wondering, is it only weddings that do not start on time in Uruguay, or is it other functions too?

Here's a story about people who have a different "sense of time."
I have a lot of Native American friends and they have what they call "Indian Time." They make big jokes about it, but it is real. If there is to be a gathering of some kind, they say, "Be there at 5, Indian time." This means, "we'd love to see you as early as 4, and things may start happening at 5, but they might not. Maybe things won't start until 6, 7, or even 8 ... or even later." Once I got used to this, it became fun. Even spouse learned not to ask when something with Native friends will start because the answer is always the same - it depends. The exception is when Native friends are asking lots of white people. THEN they will say, "Be there at 5 - real time." What a funny world!

marius

Login - bet you are right with your idea, "we could start a whole new thread on noise, tinitus, flashing lights, etc.!" But ... one story for Solosater (and more later when I've processed all she said.)

My sister was telling me about her treadmill running routine. If she bangs a knee or hand or something, she "must" immediately bang her other knee or hand on purpose and just as hard as the other was accidentally hit. Recently she was telling her health-nut daughter about this and daughter says, "MOM, I do that TOO! You have to do it to balance things."

Everyone in my family has something odd. : )

polenta

Marius, I would say social things tend to begin later than said.
It wouldn't happen with classes, schools, jobs, etc.
I remember having been invited to a house birthday party. The hostess asked us to come- let's say a 8.30 pm
We were there like 8.35 or 8,40. She WAS STILL HAVING A SHOWER AT THAT TIME!!!
There should be a COURSE where you learn how any given society manages time. If this is what happens in US, I LIKE IT.
Sometimes technicians like plumbers, electricians, etc tell you they will come at a certain time and they appear 40 minutes later.... or they don't appear at all. I hate all this. I've even been once told that I'm too "RIGID".
I love my country... but I don't like this TIME thing.

solosater

marius, that's funny, they must be OCD!

And I've seen "Indian Time" I like it!

polenta, I think I would fit in with your society very well, I know there is a good reason to start things on time if only that people are busy and don't have the time to wait for me to do what I said I would do an hour ago but I still can't be on time.

The only time I'm "on time" is when I'm WAY early. When I'm really worried about the time and know I have to be someplace at a certain time I can do it but the way I do it is by making sure I'm REALLY early.

I don't have the capacity for "on time” and I'm not being rude either or at least not intentionally.

I think it has to do with my OCD and ADD. I'm very easily distracted and I have to do things a certain way. When it comes time to get ready to go if something isn't finished I can't put it aside until later. I have to finish it before I start getting ready to go. And if the phone rings while I'm getting ready even if I don't answer it I have to look at the caller ID. I sometimes get distracted from what I was doing by something that caught my eye on the way to the phone or by something I know the person on the phone wanted me to do or whatever.

matthew

Note to self:


Don't call Solosater... She will be late...

solosater

No, you just tell me it starts and hour earlier than it does.

And make sure you've got you pants on at the time you told me just incase!

solosater

So polenta, we've been discussing Spanish vowels in the gallery, is Spanish the most common language in Uruguay? Are there other languages that are very common as well? Different dialects?

How about those of you in other places? What languages are there where you are and which do you speak?

In America, at least where I am from, you can walk down the street and hear Spanish (Mexican, Puerto Rican, Cuban [it all sounds very much the same to me]), French (Haitian mostly and some from Africa I believe), Vietnamese, Chinese, Japanese - pretty much any language.

What you don’t hear is any (or at least very many) Americans speaking any other language but English, though some of our British friends would laugh at that as well as we apparently butcher the language.

Spanish and French are offered in school but not required. Again, I’m speaking about my area, when I lived in Vermont the kids all spoke decent French and many took courses in Latin and Greek as tools for understanding our own language better. Stowe, Vermont is quite a rich community, I’m sure there are other communities in the area that are less about the languages and more about trying to keep the kids in school ‘til they graduate.

Login

The biggest problem with the English language being so widely spoken around the world, is that it makes us lazy in learning other languages. When we do start to learn the language of a country we visit, and try to put it into practice, we are aften answered in our own tongue ... it all helps to add to our laziness.

Currently, languages are being taught in UK schools, but they were not taught when I was a child. The problem now is that languages are not taught early enough ... they probably start (generally speaking) when children are about 12 years old. This is crazy ... children much younger will learn a language by ear (the grammar can come later) ... once the basic frases are in their memories they build on it naturally.

Dragon

In Canada it's mandatory to take french in elementary school. That being said I know very few people who can speak it fluently. Most of us know enough to ask for the bathroom. (At least in the West anyway). However, if you have any ambition to rise in politics in Canada you must speak French. One of our recent Prime Ministers spoke french so well he barely spoke english :b.

polenta

I'll answer solosater's question. Uruguay is a monolingual country, only Spanish. Many people study English but the level is not very advanced. Of course there were a lot of European immigrants in the first 60 years of the XX Century and you could hear people speaking Italian, French, German and other European languages. But in fact many of the immigrants have died or they came so young that they speak mostly in Spanish now. Their children and grandchildren are alive and can understand or speak a little but the second and third generation speaks Spanish. Since we don't have native Americans, there are no other languages.
When I was in high-school we had 4 years of compulsory French and only two years of English but now English is compulsory and French is optional.
However, I think that the purpose of teaching English in classes of 25 students or more is to teach them to learn eventual textbooks more than to be able to speak it well.

solosater

I think conversational language is not taught in any school anywhere, Login made a good point about the languages being taught too late, I know little kids 5 and 6 year old that comfortably speak 2 languages because they hear 2 languages spoken.

I did sit in on a collage class a friend of mine was taking, 2nd or 3rd year Spanish I think. I figure by 2 or 3 years theys be speaking like natives. No!
Perhaps like they had taken a couple of trips to Mexico and picked up a couple phrazes, but I've done that and I'm pretty sure my accent is better and I know I'm more comfortable with the tiny bit I do know (polenta will tell you I'm terrible BTW, don't listen to her, she's LYING!).

We are all getting lazy in our speech I think, slang is acceptable in most settings and anyone who tries to better their speech is looked at by their peers (whoever they may be) as if they’d lost their minds. I’ve seen that happen not just in school, but also as an adult, ITRW.

It’s sad really but I think it’s not going to get better. Look at the way people dress; I think it is very much the same thing. If a blue-collar man puts on slacks and shaves for dinner he’s putting on airs. If he improves his speech he’s putting on airs. Even if he chooses not to use foul language he’s looked at sideways by his peers. At least that’s true of the area I live in, I imagine there are places where looking to better yourself, just because, is not looked at like this; I hope so.

marius

Sorry to break topic - but must thank Solosater for letting me know how fluorescent lighting affects her!

Since I was a little kid and started school I have always wondered why no one else was ever bothered by these wicked, wicked lights! Sorry you suffer from them too Solo, but glad I am NOT the only one.

All that you wrote happens to me too, except my migraines are ocular - get weird vision things, nausea, but no head ache.

And to steer us back towards the topic, it feels good that I have FINALLY met ONE person who understands the "language of fluorescent lights" the way I do! (sorry that is so lame ... I couldn't resist.) ; )

solosater

There are no vowels in the Fluorescent tongue except for sometimes Y and sometimes W and your tongue must stay to the right of your 2 front teeth at all times while speaking! That’s your right not mine;-)

marius, I get the whole enchilada with my headaches, the creepy weird squiggly lights and the nausea as well as the light sensitivity and the crazy making pain. I have had what you are describing before mine went full-blown; I have to say it is every bit as irritating and debilitating even without the pain.

Kinda’ like when I had 4 (yes FOUR!) dry sockets at the same time! I cannot imagine that having only 3 or even 1 on either side would have been less painful; it’s an exposed nerve IT HURTS (it is the very definition of pain)! You really can't isolate the pain from one or the other.