ladyhwin

Mwhahaha - back again! Don't know if this will make any sense at all, but here goes. It's 123 words without title.


DISLIKE
Ella sighed as another car whizzed by, causing the little kiosk to tremble in its wake. It seemed that no matter where they placed their business, no one was interested. If only she could convince her extravagant brother to give up his wild, silly schemes. She wanted to strangle him. But thinking about it did not help and yet she sat, nursing her malice and musing over life’s injustices. It threw so many ostensible situations at her.
Her family was against her it seemed. They thought of ways to make their gold multiply, then instead of synchronizing together to make things happen, they sent her out to do everything.
Ella was angry at their apathy – her infuriation was beginning to culminate into hatred.

kimberly

excuse me young miss woulkd you like to hjoin trhe supporters for my forum? Its called MY SISTER and she got banned but together we can fight for a difference. think of it like this what if you were her?

marius

ladywhin, you keep getting better and better! Am enjoying watching your progress!

kimberly

marius ive heard how nice and understanding you are. please chavck out my su[pport group forum called MY SISTER. and please dont ban me

marius

ladywin, it's also fun to see how much better you are getting at using these tough word! Clapping for you!

giraffe

Marius, I knew someone would ask that. Salinger's characters are all isolated socially. Sexuality plays very little or no part in their complexity. He lived as a social recluse. His work was groundbreaking, shocking and banned many times. I wasn't trying to define him, more like writing something as bizarre as he would. Loneliness, isolation and fervor. I don't know - it just came to me.

Qsilv

The 123 Word Edit Job – No Malice Intended!
Ladyhwin…. Here’s an extravagant plea for forgiveness -- please don’t strangle me!
Ostensibly I was just half-apathetically musing on your improved but still shaky use of those maliciously wicked words “ostensibly” and “culminate” when I suddenly realized you’d left out the word “garland”, so of course then I started wondering where it could be inserted and what could be taken out to keep the count at 123… and… well… one thing led to another… I began actively tinkering with terms, synchronizing salient points, logical flow, and… first thing you know, it all culminated in my doing what a pushy editor would… totally rewriting it! Okay, not totally, not really. I mean, notice I kept your whole concept and most of your own words.

DISLIKE
Another car whizzed by. The little kiosk’s garlands trembled in its wake, and Ella sighed. Seemed like no matter where they placed it, no one was interested. If only she could convince her brother to give up his extravagant, silly business schemes. Ostensibly he threw success right in her path, yet really her whole family thought only of ways to make their gold multiply, then, without synchronizing schedules or tasks, sent her out to do everything. And here she sat, musing over life’s injustices, nursing malice.

Ella was used to it, yet lately her protective wall of apathy was beginning to crack – a growing fury was about to culminate in pure hatred, a desire to strangle someone… and thinking about it wasn’t enough.


;>

giraffe

Qsilv, That was a great editing job on Hwin's original idea. That's a whole new concept for TW too.

giraffe

321 w/o title. It's rated R so don't read it.

LOVE FOR SALE

Louise felt weak. She felt wrong. Her breathing and her heartbeat weren't as synchronized as usual, but she didn't notice that. There was a tiny cyst growing on one of the valves in her heart. Even her doctor had no idea, but this problem could culminate in death at any instant.

Her weakness was intoxicating. Her wrongness was malicious but enjoyable. She loved being the bad girl. And Tony (at the kiosk on the corner) found her plenty of contacts who helped them have such an extravagant lifestyle. He didn't like the word 'pimp' and he was apathetic about the word 'whore'. He and Louise made a great pair.

"Louise, get your ass over to 104th and Garland. This guy is loaded. He seen your picture on the website and asked for you particular."

"What's my job? Anal, oral, what?"

"Whatever this fella wants, Kiddo. New customers are treated with respect."

She stepped out of the cab wearing her ostentatiously garish fur coat and looked all around. He approached from a concealed doorway.

"Hello, Louise. Tony told me a lot about you."

"Hi, sweetheart. What's your pleasure?"

"I want to see the look on your face when I strangle the evil muse out of you. Are you game?"

"No Sir." She ran as fast as she could - trying to catch up with the cab. It was then that her heart finally gave out. She collapsed in the street and died. He stood over her and slowly started squeezing her neck. He thought he was murdering her and he climaxed.

"Tony, I really enjoyed Louise. Do you have any more?"

"I got Betty, but she's booked up for a few days. Ten grand and she's yours on Friday."

Betty was brushing her hair when she saw him in the mirror behind her.

"Tony told me all about you."

"What's your pleasure, Sailor?"

"You."

"Here's a message from Louise. Die slowly." She fired the gun.

Doug

giraffe: That may offend some, but I didn't find anything wrong with it. It was a vital part of the story and I loved the twist at the end. Spooky gone ghost justice...ooooooooooo.

ladyhwin

Thanks a lot, you guys! I love doing this! Qsilv, how DARE you mess with MY story Just teasing, I LOVED the rewrite you did. I realized last night after I went to bed that I left garland out. I was upset at myself. Oh well, thanks for putting it in for me!

marius

giraffe, I really liked your story and the great ending too.

Now something curious. I'm not saying that everyone with the same name will have similar characteristics ... but ...the names you chose for the women caught my attention! Itrw, the "Louise's" I've known struggled, whereas the "Betty's " may have also struggled, but they all seemed to have this particular flavor of street-smart funny and tough. So, when the Betty of your story pulled the trigger, I smiled and thought, "Yep, that's a Betty for you!"

marius

Qsilv, I also like the way you "messed" with ladyhwin's story! Your re-write, plus how you explained it, provides a great learning & teaching experience for all! Love it!

giraffe

Marius, 'Louise' is a song about a dead prositute. Bonnie Raitt recorded it but I can't find the lyricist right now. And the name Betty just sounds so much like apple pie, I couldn't resist the dichotomy.

LOUISE by ????

Well they all said louise was not half bad
It was written on the walls and window shades
And how she'd act the little girl
A deceiver, don't believe her that's her trade
Sometimes a bottle of perfume,
Flowers and maybe some lace
Men brought louise ten cent trinkets
Their intentions were easily traced
Yes and everybody knew at times she cried
But women like louise they get by

Well everybody thought it kind of sad
When they found louise in her room
They'd always put her down below their kind
Still some cried when she died this afternoon
Lousie rode home on the mail train
Somewhere to the south i heard it said
Too bad it ended so ugly,
Too bad she had to go this way
Ah but the wind is blowing cold tonight
So good night louise, good night

giraffe

Paul Siebel. Finally found the writer. And the i comes before the e in his name.

midnightpoet

I'm not ignoring you guys. life is crazy right now...I'm going to play catch up tonight and tomorrow.

Dragon

Loved the story of Louise. I would like to point out though that ostentatiously and ostensibly are completly different words, not really a variation of the same word.
I was definitly not offended by it, I found it well thought out and I liked the twist at the end.

giraffe

Thanks, Dragon, I knew I was cheating on ostentatious. Busted. Maybe I should have used osteoporosis instead. Love it.

marius

Oh ......... I don't know ............. I think she *could* have been worn an "ostensibly garish fur coat." (This is cracking me up!)

marius

Not only that, I think she "could have worn" without the been.